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Useful phrases that mean you'll never lose an argument again

Mike Pollitt | Thursday 17 February, 2011 11:19

You know that feeling you get when you’re disagreeing with someone and they just refuse to see the righteousness of your position? I believe it’s called mounting fury. Well fure no more, because here are five phrases which admit no retort. Use them judiciously, and bask in the glory of rhetorical invincibility!

“That’s a false dichotomy”
This is a particular favourite of mine. It’s not so much that the person with whom you’re arguing won’t know what it means – they’ll probably have a vague idea. It’s just that to argue that the issue at hand is a “true dichotomy” is a task of such futile time consumption that they’d rather kill themselves than undertake it.

“We’re just coming at this from different angles”
This is a more subtle approach, and can be employed usefully when you suspect that you may be losing the argument a little bit. It’s a sly way of allowing yourself to claim that actually you agree entirely with what the other person was saying, and you have done all along. So what’s all the fuss about?

“You’re being reductive”
An aggressive tactic, but it scores points for that fact that neither you nor your opponent will be exactly sure what it means. This will create the necessary confusion in which to claim a draw.

“I think it’s a very fluid situation”
You can’t use this very often but it can be useful if the argument is about something happening right now. It’s a great way of suggesting that hell, you both might be wrong mightn’t you? I mean who knows what tomorrow will bring? So let’s have a pint and forget all about it.

“Now we’re just arguing about semantics”
The nuclear option, rendering all further discussion about any conceivable topic completely pointless. The genius of this phrase is that it can be employed in any situation with devastating effect. The downside is that it tends to lead to prolonged periods of existential introspection about whether anything means anything anyway. Use with caution.

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