The Metropolis

The wretched idiocy of the talking bins

Mike Pollitt | Monday 26 September, 2011 11:37

So it’s come to this.

Famous people could be congratulating you for throwing your rubbish away responsibly in talking bins. Actress Amanda Holden has recorded a message saying “Yes! Do that again!” and former cricketer Phil Tufnell calls out “Howzat!”

“Yes! Do that again!”

Mine cannot be the only heart to sink.

1. Can we not do anything now unless a famous person tells us to?
2. Amanda Holden!!
3. Do what again, Amanda? I’ve only got one bit of rubbish here.
4. How many Howzats do you think it will take before people start rifling the bins for litter to stuff down their ear holes and block out the sound of the Howzats?
5. Context: humans got a grip on basic waste disposal somewhere around the time the glaciers retreated. Let’s say 15,000 years ago. That’s 15,000 years of unflinching industry, unceasing technological progress, untiring personal and collective self-improvement…leading where? To the recording of a woman called Amanda Holden bribing you with her automated approval for the act of putting your waste in a bin.

Desperate times.

---