The Metropolis

The men on the tube playing Football Manager on their iPhones are a lost generation

Mike Pollitt | Thursday 8 March, 2012 15:46

_{The modern man’s challenge: Can you save Kidderminster AND pay the council tax on time?}

I was sandwiched between two men this morning. On the tube I mean. Both whipped out an iPhone, loaded up Football Manager, and proceeded to negotiate a couple of tricky away fixtures.

One man, in his mid-to-late 20s, guided Stevenage to a 0-0 draw away at Bristol Rovers in a pre-season friendly. He got off before I could ascertain further details.

The other man, in his mid-to-late 20s, guided Liverpool to a good 2-0 win away in Europe at FC Kobenhavn. The year was 2017, his Liverpool team contained such names as Gareth Bale and Luka Modric. Andy Carroll, forlornly, warmed the bench.

Neither manager noticed the other. Both were lost in their own games. I’ll go further. Both were lost in their own lives. There is no hope for either now. They are doomed.

I know of what I speak. A decade ago, I spent the first half of a long summer holiday taking Northampton Town to the Premiership. I spent the second half of the holiday conquering Europe with them.

I was fifteen years old. For perhaps the last time in my life, I had the the best part of two months unbroken leisure stretched ahead of me.

I could have learnt a language in that time. Or a musical instrument. I could have read novels or written a play. I could have had sex, for goodness sake.

Instead I spent it moving pixels around on a computer. When it was over I had nothing to show for it except a banging headache, an aversion to sunlight and recurring dreams about the 2034 UEFA Cup Final.

Sometime between university and getting a job, I kicked the habit. Most addicts I know did the same. There simply wasn’t the time. Life moved on. I got some friends, learnt how to cook, earned some money, started to stand on my own two feet. I put my past behind me. I, and thousands of men like me, re-entered civilised society.

And now this. An app on your phone allowing you to regress 10 years in a single commute. Having gone cold turkey once, these men stand no chance of doing so again. What made them stop the first time – lack of time, lack of computer power – can’t stop them any more. They are condemned to play on, forever, without hope of repreive.

If you know someone who might succumb to this temptation, stop them. If you know someone who already has, wish them well. They are beyond your power now.

Image: Promotional screenshot for Football Manager 2012

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