Silicon Roundabout

Tech Job Opening Alert: Government Minister of Tweets and Nude Female Web Coders

Chuck Ansbacher | Thursday 7 April, 2011 15:53

Two extraordinary job openings today in the burgeoning field of the internet that we wanted to give our readers a heads up on, seeing as how we imagine most of you to be job-seeking web experts.

The first of the two listings is strictly for the nudist female sub-set of our readership. Oh, that’s all of you? Are you also professional web coders who are looking for a “warm and private” and naked working environment to ply this trade at? Of course you are? Well then, look no further than Nude-House, the incredibly cutting edge looking and only naked women hiring “software development” company. Since this doesn’t sound like a scam and/or a pathway to becoming a virtual sex worker at all, here’s the job description so you know how to accurately tailor your resumes.

We need a number of nude web coders to work on preliminary web pages for customers using the toolkit of facilities we provide them. The work is totally dependant on the customers having a need but you never meet the customers and they will not not know you are nude. We will pay you £2,000 each month for 5 full days per week.

Notice the strange absence of quotation marks around the words “customers,” “using,” “toolkit,” “facilities,” “provide,” and “pay.”

Next up is the far less skill intensive, substantially higher paying, somewhat less nude and definitely more prestigious position of Government Minister of Twitter, or as they’re calling it, Executive Digital Director.

The job, which requires applicants to have at least 50,000 Twitter followers, would involve srategically using the Facebook “poke” feature, posting TwitPics of David Cameron thinking about things that rhyme with socks, and would pay £142k annually (wow).

While the job itself seems exciting, cutting edge and hypercuttingedge, the job description is one of the most God awful, eye-watering jargon dumps we’ve ever seen in our lives, and basically takes all the fun out of the internet.

The successful candidate will have proven credibility in transformation through the delivery of digital channels and engagement together with a track record of leading digitally enabled change at a strategic level, in a large federated organisation with complex delivery chains.

Sounds like the government could also use a few more naked web coders in its life, because SNOOZE, that was the most boring and long winded way to say “must be able to use Tweet Deck” imaginable.

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