Top 5

Top 5 nonsense phrases that only exist on the internet

Mike Pollitt | Thursday 21 April, 2011 12:23

There are some phrases which have a life only in the rarefied ecosystem of the blogosphere. Here they are taken as read. But remove them from their special habitat and they reveal themselves to be utter bloggledegook. Here are my top five, complete with examples of how you never hear them being used in the real world.

It’s a feature not a bug
This descendant of programming forums is spreading like wildfire at the moment (eg this response to the Independent URL farrago of earlier this week). If someone used it in normal speech you’d probably punch them in the face.

“Don’t be annoyed about last night, honey. Throwing up after 5 pints is a feature with me, not a bug.”

Game changer
Political bloggers have a secret pact between themselves to invoke this phrase when discussing the most transient change in a party’s fortunes. Does anyone speak like this out loud?

“I used to love Ariel Pink, but when uncool people started liking him that was a real game changer for me.”

Absent any…
I really hate this one. Used by pompous people to show to everyone that they are reading the American political science bloggers who first started using it. It sounds so clunky, and if someone used it in speech I guarantee you’d ask them to repeat themselves.

“Absent any leftover takeaway in the fridge, I’ll have to get some lunch at KFC.”

Zero sum game
No one is exactly sure what this means except advanced mathematicians. This doesn’t stop everyone throwing it around online like confetti. Used verbally it could only provoke a half hour discussion as to what the hell you are talking about.

“We can either watch The Killing on BBC4 or that repeat of Undercover Princes on 3, but not both. The telly tonight is a zero sum game bro.”

Anything Latin
Sine qua non, something qua something, alea iacta est. Blogging is replacing medicine and the law as the professions most likely to require a Latin dictionary to understand. You never need to use Latin, you can always say it in English. So say it in English.

Is Gaz coming down the pub? Cos he’s the sine qua non of me going, I’m afraid.”

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