The Metropolis

Let's look at the UKIP's candidates for London Mayor

Mike Pollitt | Tuesday 16 August, 2011 12:45

The UK Independence Party are having an open primary to choose their candidate for London Mayor! It’s very exciting. So, as a concerned potential UKIP voter, who should you pick?

Michael Corby is a youthful 67, and very keen to read out his life history at the start of this video. He scores massive points for his charmingly out of date vocabulary. What do we want from a UKIP candidate if not references to “environs”, “kingdoms”, and most spectacularly of all, a “dowry”. Aside from that, it’s a somewhat incoherent but affable enough tirade against the EU and “chaos on the roads”. Rating 6/10

Winston McKenzie wears a hat and a snazzy waistcoat, he uses props, he criticizes Boris Johnson for not being out walking with gangsters at 4 o’clock in the morning. He campaigns in rhyme for goodness sake. His Wikipedia entry says he is notable for having joined almost every political party at some time in his life, as well as auditioning once for X-Factor. He’s clearly hilarious, and this video is well worth watching. Rating 9/10

Paul Oakley seems dull, his slow monotonous speech redeemed only by his impressive eyebrows. He sparks briefly into life (“We’ve got the Olympics next year, we’re stuck with them now”, and a call for VIPs to “get up earlier” rather than having special road lanes for their benefit) but on the whole this is uninspiring stuff. Rating 7/10

Lawrence Webb doesn’t think he’s got a cat in hell’s chance of winning a Mayoral election. Within the first 10 seconds he’s admitted that it’s going to be a two horse race between Boris and Ken, and by the end he’s talking about “holding the eventual winner to account”. Come on man! These things might be true, but it’s hardly campaigning talk. Redeemed slightly by the terrifying threat that the low emission zone could see ice cream vans disappearing from London’s streets. Rating 5/10

Michael McGough has a lovely beard and eyebrows to challenge Oakley’s. There’s something very Alan Sugar about him. This video, however, is devoid of any flair. A safe party man he may well be, but the Mayoral campaign demands a maverick. Rating 4/10

David Coburn City jobs city jobs blah blah blah. This guy is probably the most polished political performer on show. He has pre-prepared soundbites, he doesn’t indulge in 10 second pauses while he looks desperately through his notes, he’s got a programme and he’s sticking to it. He’s also profoundly, inevitably unlikable. Rating 6/10

So there you have it. You can vote for Winston, or whoever, here.

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