Sentimental Dishes by PS I Love You

Check out this electrifying taster from Death Dreams, the forthcoming second album proper from Ontario’s PS I Love You. The noisy, hairy two-piece is a Snipe favourite; Paper Bag Records we salute you. Death Dreams is released May 28th.

Kony 2012 is a runaway success. But that doesn't mean it's good

With 50 million hits and counting, the Kony 2012 film has succeeded in raising awareness about Uganda. But, asks Mike Bonnet, is raising awareness really what the country needs most?

Hipster-friendly ale festival in Hackney this weekend

It’s at the Sebright Arms off Hackney Road, a pub whose trend credentials (dare I say cretrendtials?) encompass ale from London microbreweries, burgers from trendy grillers Lucky Chip, and a location in the shadow of some industrial gas holders. So if you’re the sort of person who wants to be the sort of person who goes to that sort of place, check it out.

Details at their website.

Every journey matters. But for Mayor Boris Johnson, every vote does, too

They appeared just after New Year. You couldn’’t miss them —at Tube stations and bus stops. “Every journey matters,” they declared.

For the first time in decades, no leaflet explaining 2012’s fare rises was created—but instead, stations took delivery of thousands of shiny booklets bearing the same slogan.
With an introduction from the mayor, they explained just what he had been doing to make Londoners’ travel better over the past four years. There’s even a special section of the TfL website, with a video from Boris.

At least the mayor knows that transport matters. With polls showing Ken Livingstone pushing ahead on transport, every signal failure, every delay, every cancelled bus or train could cost Boris votes.

But all Every Journey Matters does is remind voters how little Boris has done on transport—and how many improvements have actually been down to his predecessor.
Of the 12 improvements listed on the website, eight began under Ken’s watch. Talks about Oyster pay-as-you-go on National Rail had been going on for years, while TfL had been developing hire bikes before Boris took office. “It’s the best of any big city in the world,” he boasts on the website—yet surveys show 99% of Londoners never use them.

Similarly, the DLR extensions and London Overground began under Ken, while the ability to get live bus arrival times online has been in the pipeline for years (it’s part of the same GPS-based system which gives out “next stop” information in buses).

Tube upgrades have been under way for years too, while much-trumpeted accessibility improvements —“it matters that everyone has easy access to London’s transport network”—were actually cut back when Boris took office , and have still been branded a waste of money by Boris’s cheerleaders.

Even the safer transport teams—dedicated sets of police based in local boroughs—first took to the streets before Boris took over.

That leaves just four “improvements” which Boris alone can take credit for. Making it easier to pay the congestion charge, which helps motorists, and “smoothing traffic flow”, which makes pedestrians wait at crossings for longer to help motorists.

Which takes us down to two public transport projects. The cable car will no doubt be very nice to look at —but is the solution to a problem very few people have. If it ran from North Greenwich to Canary Wharf, it’d be a surefire hit. Instead, it’ll land just short of the ExCeL centre, providing an unparalleled view of Silvertown scrapyards, and is eating up cash that should have been allocated to TfL’s rail projects.

Finally, there’s the New Bus For London. But so far, an investment of £8m has seen just two vehicles go into service on the 38 between Victoria and Clapton. That hasn’t stopped TfL plastering London bus stops which will never see a Borismaster with posters proclaiming their brilliance. It could be a hit—but as the money could have gone on a whole fleet of conventional low-pollution buses, it’s a high-stakes gamble.

More telling are the reminders of what could have been. Work on extensions to Croydon’s Tramlink and a new tram between Camden and Peckham —which could have provided the mayor with a real lasting legacy—was cancelled by Boris. A mile from the cable car site, a fenced-off plot of land in Charlton is all that remains of a bus scheme for Greenwich which was also axed.

Sonia Purnell’s terrific biography of Boris Johnson, Just Boris, records the mayor desperately trying to find fund “increasingly bizarre, even panicky, ‘legacy’ projects” as the election approached.

It may be true that every journey matters. But really, it’s every vote that matters. With the Tube as delay-prone as ever, Boris will be hoping that a handful of buses and a single cable car will win the day on 3 May.

Tall Stories @ The Barfly

Things have gone pretty spectacularly well lately for Tall Stories. Their first demo, the hyper-catchy “Things Are Strained”, was an instant hit with Radio 1’s Huw Stephens and Xfm’s John Kennedy, it’s fizzing new-wave pop sound gatecrashing the airwaves already in 2012. The live show is heavier than that track might suggest, with Scott Vining’s pummeling rhythms and Stu Maxwell pulverising synth bass underscoring the nervy yelp of Rob McCabe’s lead local. Playing in the pit of a Friday night at one of Camden’s most notorious party bars, this early-hours show will get messy – don’t miss out. Indie stars of the future.

Brendan Cleaves photo

London agenda for Friday 9 March

1. Celebrate 80 Years Of Recording At Abbey Road Studios with unseen footage, archive photographs and vintage instrument in the actual Studio 2 [Le Cool]

2. Eat like a Moor in Hackney at Forgotten Feast [Run Riot]

3. Visit a secret Hoxton warehouse location for The Gaslamp Killer [Flavorpill]

4. Watch Evokateur Crows launch their Wedding at 93 Feet East [Don’t Panic]

5. View the London Pictures of Gilbert & George [Time Out]

6. Listen to gasbag David Starkey justify how Henry VIII reinvented the Royal Library [Ian Visits]

7. Attend the Docklands Cinema Club [Tired of London]

The men on the tube playing Football Manager on their iPhones are a lost generation

_{The modern man’s challenge: Can you save Kidderminster AND pay the council tax on time?}

I was sandwiched between two men this morning. On the tube I mean. Both whipped out an iPhone, loaded up Football Manager, and proceeded to negotiate a couple of tricky away fixtures.

One man, in his mid-to-late 20s, guided Stevenage to a 0-0 draw away at Bristol Rovers in a pre-season friendly. He got off before I could ascertain further details.

The other man, in his mid-to-late 20s, guided Liverpool to a good 2-0 win away in Europe at FC Kobenhavn. The year was 2017, his Liverpool team contained such names as Gareth Bale and Luka Modric. Andy Carroll, forlornly, warmed the bench.

Neither manager noticed the other. Both were lost in their own games. I’ll go further. Both were lost in their own lives. There is no hope for either now. They are doomed.

I know of what I speak. A decade ago, I spent the first half of a long summer holiday taking Northampton Town to the Premiership. I spent the second half of the holiday conquering Europe with them.

I was fifteen years old. For perhaps the last time in my life, I had the the best part of two months unbroken leisure stretched ahead of me.

I could have learnt a language in that time. Or a musical instrument. I could have read novels or written a play. I could have had sex, for goodness sake.

Instead I spent it moving pixels around on a computer. When it was over I had nothing to show for it except a banging headache, an aversion to sunlight and recurring dreams about the 2034 UEFA Cup Final.

Sometime between university and getting a job, I kicked the habit. Most addicts I know did the same. There simply wasn’t the time. Life moved on. I got some friends, learnt how to cook, earned some money, started to stand on my own two feet. I put my past behind me. I, and thousands of men like me, re-entered civilised society.

And now this. An app on your phone allowing you to regress 10 years in a single commute. Having gone cold turkey once, these men stand no chance of doing so again. What made them stop the first time – lack of time, lack of computer power – can’t stop them any more. They are condemned to play on, forever, without hope of repreive.

If you know someone who might succumb to this temptation, stop them. If you know someone who already has, wish them well. They are beyond your power now.

Image: Promotional screenshot for Football Manager 2012

The Malpractice, Snake & Jet's Amazing Bullit Band (Crunchy Club) @ The Wheelbarrow

If SVIIB isn’t your thing, or gets sold out, here’s a worthy (and free!) alternative. Danish label Crunchy Frog were responsible for launching bands as diverse as Junior Senior, The Raveonettes and Jon Spencer’s Heavy Trash, and with this monthly residency they showcase the newest additions to their roster. This second edition sees The Malpractice (aka Johannes Gammelby) present his punishing, serpentine industrial-electronic-rock sound, with Snake & Jet’s Amazing Bullitt Band providing rock ‘n’ roll thrills. DJs Project Fresh Socks (new Nordic indie and pop) and Hells Belles (garage rock ‘n’ soul classics) provide the perfect soundtrack for pre-and-post gig drinks.

Simon Højbo Hansen photo

Swollen Hearts, Bitten Tongues by Young Romance

We came across this wonderful, unsigned London duo whilst trawling the web. Paolo and Claire are a shot in the arm, in possession of an urgency and gift for melody which immediately draws you in and refuses to let go.

Animated characters are running out of room at Bond Street station

This TFL produced video illustrates how tight it’s going to get over the next four years, presumably so you don’t complain about all the construction now.