The Elizabethan era: a guide to Elizabeth Taylor's London
Elizabeth Taylor died yesterday, so chances are we missed the news cycle on this one. It’s not like she was some important, multi-news-cycle dominating tour de force of talent like Katie Price. No, she was just a regular old possibly most iconic actress of all time nobody; she could only find eight men desperate enough to marry her, and even when she became the highest paid actress ever, it was only for a million dollars.
Yawn. Who were we talking about again? Someone whose last name isn’t Geldof? Then who gives a shit.
Oh, you do. Well then, maybe since you are so into boring stuff that happened yesterday, you will also be interested to learn some even more boring I mean amazing and interesting London trivia about the deceased. For example, did you know she was born here? Or that one of her seven-dozen marriages happened here? Yup, it’s the truth.
If for some reason you want to know more, we’ve taken the liberty of pouring over all of the various Elizabeth Taylor encyclopedias we own in hardcover to find every London connection that Dame Liz, who truly truly honestly was and is so much more important than even one of Jordan’s boobs, and compiled them into a handy Google map that you can use to tour the city in glamorous, Taylorian style. Here it is! Go have a boring time with it!
View The Elizabeth Taylor Guide to London in a larger map
If you know something about Elizabeth Taylor that our encyclopedias didn’t, Twitter us about it and we’ll add it to the map!
24 Mar 2011
Mission Bay by Freak Heat Waves
Featuring members of Mt. Royal and Colourbook, Freak Heat Waves have their feet planted firmly in the gardens of late 70’s New York punk/new wave bands such as Talking Heads and Television. Hailing from Victoria, British Columbia, they released the Mission Bay 7-inch in the summer (via Fan Club Music Club) and should have an album out very, very soon.
24 Mar 2011
London agenda for Thursday 24 March
1. Take the space journey of Cosmovast at Dalston Superstore [Run Riot]
2. See the sonic and hear the visual spectacles of Southbank’s Ether [Le Cool]
3. When spoken word’s just not enough, you need Tongue Fu [Tom Davis]
4. Admire the view from One Tree Hill [Tired of London]
5. Hey, for once something in West London [Flavorpill]
24 Mar 2011
An open letter to the hipster
Dear Hipster,
I've been meaning to write for a while, but couldn't hold off any longer. I wonder if you'll allow me to offer some constructive criticism. I actually admire you in a strange way. Turning up to work with a handle-bar moustache is genuinely funny. Unlike the sixty-eighters or the punks, you're precisely as subversive as you think you are (answer: ever so slightly subversive). One thing that can always be said for knowing irony is that it is, at the very least, knowing, and for that you deserve credit.
23 Mar 2011
Five filthy, dirty, obscenely sexual poems from the past
They don’t teach it in school history lessons, but rest assured that our ancestors were dirty. Want proof? Then gaze below. But be warned, this fetid sewer of depravity may offend those of a puritanical disposition.
1st century BC – Catullus’ facefuck
You read that right. The Romans did it enough to have a word for it. The first line of the frequently censored Catullus 16 is:
“Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo”
Which translates roughly as “I will sodomize and facefuck you”. He’s talking to some male rivals, so think of it as lads engaging in a bit of banter. Horrific, horrific banter.
10th century ribald riddles
The Anglo Saxons were an earthy people best known for inventing all of our favourite swearwords. They also loved a good riddle.
“Sometimes a pretty peasant’s daughter, eager armed, grabs hold of me, rushes my red skin, holds me hard, claims my head”
Read the whole thing here, where you will also find the solution. Then have a go at this equally suggestive little puzzler.
Ming Dynasty “do it on a table” verse
From the East comes some genuinely beautiful erotic poetry. Some examples here, perhaps the most overt of which runs thus:
“Her peony is raised high and dewed with fragrance
but his legs are too short to reach,
so he uses a small table
like a man climbing up a cloud ladder
or an old monk beating the temple drum”
Kind of makes me want to buy this book.
17th century wet dream verse
Robert Herrick was a curious chap who wrote poems such as the in no way patronising To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time in which he tells the maidens to get a move on and marry already. He also wrote The Vine, in which he dreams about surprising Lucia in a wood. It includes some slightly saucy stuff:
“Such fleeting pleasures there I took,
That with the fancie I awook;
And found (Ah me!) this flesh of mine
More like a Stock, than like a Vine.”
In other words, he woke up with a hard on. But how much do you love the word “awook”?!
18th century dildo verse
This recently got a bit of media attention. And rightly so, for The Discovery is a poetic description of female masturbation:
“Where, in her Pocket, was a bawdy Book;
Which she remov’d, and thence drew out a Tool,
Much like to that with which Men Women rule;
She it apply’d where I’m asham’d to tell,
And acted what I could have done as well.”
And you thought poetry was supposed to be suggestive and metaphorical? Ah well.
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23 Mar 2011
London agenda for Wednesday 23 March
1. Listen to the Ukelele Orchestra of Great Britain [Le Cool]
2. ‘Disturb the bland homogenised imagery that surrounds us’ by listening to awe to Werner Hertzog in person [Run Riot]
3. Get a case of the goths with O Children at XOYO [London Gigs]
4. Visit the Wandle Industrial Museum [Tired of London]
5. Eat at a secret Dalston speakeasy [Time Out]
23 Mar 2011
Boris Johnson's lead collapses with Comres
Boris Johnson would narrowly lose to Ken Livingstone if the Mayoral elections were held today, a new poll has shown.
The Comres poll released today puts Ken on 37% and Boris on 36%. Once second preferences are taken into account, Ken would win on 51-49%.
The last Mayoral poll conducted by Comres put Boris a long way ahead. and was accompanied by what now looks like a slightly premature headline.
However the details of the polling suggest that Ken Livingstone’s strategy of pinning government cuts on Boris is failing to gain any traction.
Just one in five of those polled said they were less likely to vote for Boris because of the cuts.
The polling also shows that whilst Ken is seen as more competent, Boris is overwhelmingly seen as the more “nice” candidate.
This cuddly public perception of the Mayor is at odds with those who deal with him on a regular basis.
It also suggests that Boris’s decision to go “nasty” so early by launching an attack website could ultimately backfire.
23 Mar 2011
3,4,5 (Capac Remix) by Spokes
Manchester’s Spokes release 3,4,5, the opening track from debut long-player Everyone I Ever Met, as a single, April 18th on Ninja Tune. The b-side is a re-mix by Liverpool’s favourite electro bods, Capac. Under their tutelage, the chiming guitars and cello of the Arcade Fire-esque original twist and morph into a post-rock infused, apocalyptic nightmare. ‘I’ve got a heavy soul’ goes the refrain. Quite. Spokes play Hoxton Bar and Kitchen, May 3rd. Stream the track below.
22 Mar 2011
The Week in Books: From Poetry, Jazz Fusion to Alexei Sayle
Mad March Hares 7.30pm TONIGHT
Three harebrained performers unleash a night of scintillating storytelling. Hugh Lupton, Tim Ralphs and Jan Blake offer up their gleeful and absurd tales.
Rich Mix, 35-47 Bethnal Green Rd, London, E1 6LA. £8
Tongue Fu 8pm Thurs 24th
When spoken word’s just not enough, why not add a live jazz band. Hosted by storyteller Ventriloquist, tonight pits Zena Edwards, Testament and Siddhartha Bose against each other in a night of improvised poetry and jazz. Watch this.
Rich Mix, 35-47 Bethnal Green Rd, London, E1 6LA. £7
Short story workshop with Alexei Sayle and Vicky Grut 10.30am Sat 26th
If you’re in need of some short story tips, get a hot ticket for this workshop with comedian and writer Alexei Sayle and creative writing guru Vicky Grut.
The Rugby Tavern, 19 Great James St, WC1N 3ES. £120 including lunch
22 Mar 2011
Boris asked to back Olympic update for EastEnders
Boris Johnson is being asked to back East Enders who want to see the Olympic Stadium featured on the opening titles of EastEnders.
BBC bosses have turned down a request from Newham mayor Sir Robin Wales to feature the Olympic Park on the soap’s opening sequence.
But Assembly member John Biggs has asked Sir Robin’s counterpart at City Hall to lend the campaign a bit of extra weight.
“Would you agree with campaigners in east London that the opening title sequence for EastEnders should be updated to include features of the Olympic Park?,” the local Labour representative asks in this month’s Mayor’s Question Time.
“Or would that intrude into its mythology?”
Fans will have to wait until next week to see if Boris – who made a cameo appearance in the soap 18 months ago – will lend his support.
The sequence has been largely unchanged since 1999, when it was updated to include the Millennium Dome, which was added digitally as the structure had not been finished when the aerial photographs which comprise the titles were taken.
The Olympic Park will share the E20 postcode with Walford, whose Tube station is supposedly one stop east of Bow Road – which would make it just a short walk from the Games at Stratford.
Producers have merely said the Olympics will “be referred to” in the show. Whether that includes Ian Beale trying to hire out his spare room for £3,000 a week, or Dot Branning moaning about all the disruption, remains to be seen.
22 Mar 2011
Snipe Highlights
Some popular articles from past years
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