DIARY: Anthony Chalmers
GOD DON’T LIKE IT
So, I’ve been asked by Snipe to knock together a diary-type account of previous escapades and stuff to come. I’d no idea exactly what I’d talk about, but in the first issue they covered one of my favorite bands Drum Eyes so it has to be onto something.…
As far as gigs have gone in the last few weeks, I’ve been to quite a few, but the performances that have stood out the most for me were Nedry & Devil Man at The Lexington. They both have new ways of looking at dub-related sounds—really recommend both bands. I also saw Wildbirds & Peacedrums play with a choir recently, just brilliant, with the most enthusiastic crowd ever. They really are one of the best live bands around.
Under the banner of Moonshine Jamboree, I’ve been running gigs on a lovely boat in Vauxhall called The Tamesis Dock. I thought “who wouldn’t want to see bands on a boat moored in the Thames”? We had Tristram, Thee Single Spy and Jamie N Commons come down to play the last one. Just such a nice gig. Tristram has a new EP coming soon and same with a Single Spy single, so make sure you check out both.
On to things coming up… the period when you’re reading this, we’re super busy with good stuff.
On June 2nd the new Wilkommen Collective group The Climbers have their debut show on the said boat. It’s their album launch, and the band features members of The Leisure Society, Sons of Noel & Adrian and many others. Then on June 3rd there’s more Wilkommen-related fun with The Miserable Rich in St. Giles Church. On June 6th we have Edinburgh’s finest Meursault playing another album launch at the Old Queens Head in Angel, with four other Scottish bands traveling down to support them, including the amazing Eagleowl —and it’s free!
Finally, End of the Road festival is my favourite festival in the country hands down, and they’re putting on The Unthanks & David Thomas Broughton at Union Chapel on June 1st. I can’t wait—DTB in London’s best venue could be one of my shows of the year.
Well, I think that’s more words than I was supposed to do… enjoy a couple of weeks of great shows.
01 Jun 2010
Strings Attached: The Birdman, Monkey Biz, and Happy Everyday!
Entering the Puppet Barge, currently moored at Little Venice, is like descending into a gypsy’s submarine. Deep, African red walls of ribbed and riveted metal are hung with dozens of traditional marionettes from around the world. As the lights fill the tiny stage the barge seems to double in size, like Dr. Who’s box as decorated by Terry Gilliam.
01 Jun 2010
Tigris Timidity: Why we can’t have the films about Iraq we need
The Hollywood system has often come under fire from critics and viewers alike, owing to its persistence in continually churning out the lightest of entertainment and ever-more diluted movies about nothing much in particular, though easily marketable toward a sometimes desperate buying audience. Take for instance the recent best picture Academy award winner, The Hurt Locker. The six Oscars and albeit minor box office receipts for Kathryn Bigelow’s film could either demonstrate the film’s genuine power to evoke the pain of war in the viewer, or indeed its promotion of a skewed vision where as journalist and documentary-filmmaker, John Pilger, notes “the deaths of a million people are consigned to cinematic oblivion”.
01 Jun 2010
Savage Love: The Prisoner
Where can a straight guy find a transsexual woman who is NOT a hooker and just wants to be friends (with benefits)? I know of one club where they hang, but they are mostly hookers there. I would like to go someplace where I could meet one and see if we could hit it off and go from there. I know they are out there, but I just can’t find them! Help a brother out! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
Lonely Tranny Lover
If what you’re looking for is a transsexual who’ll allow you to fuck her—or who’ll fuck you—but who won’t require you to have an actual relationship with her, LTL, then you’ll have to pay some nice woman for her time and her emotional distress, like all the other straight guys out there into MTFs. Why do they have to pay? Because, LTL, it’s kinda shredding to sexually service someone who’s embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Just ask any openly gay man dating a closet case and/or a Catholic priest, or any BBW sleeping with a man who’s married to a rail-thin trophy wife he isn’t physically attracted to. Someone who puts up with that kind of bullshit—“You blow me, I blow you off”—should be compensated for her time, pain, and suffering.
It’s nice that you’re willing to be friends with the transsexual you’re fucking, LTL—that puts you above most straight-identified men who are into trans women. But most trans women, hookers or not, want more than that. They want love, companionship, intimacy, and a commitment—you know, all that shit non-trans women want. Be open to an actual relationship, LTL, and you’ll have an easier time finding a non-pro who’s open to you.
I’m a 24-year-old straight female in a relationship. The sex is great, except for one thing: My boyfriend is so fucking quiet while we are having sex. No words, no moans, a stone-cold facial expression. I know he is enjoying himself because he always comes and he initiates sex as often as I do. However, his stoic demeanor makes it hard for me to really get into stuff that isn’t directly pleasurable for me. It’s hard to be motivated to choke on someone’s cock when they look and act like they can’t even feel anything.
I’ve mentioned this to him several times after sex, and he just laughs it off and then says something like, “Do you expect me to scream like a girl?” I’ve told him that that’s not at all what I expect. I just want some sign of life! One time, I purposely remained completely silent during an orgasm, like he does, and he became very self-conscious. He didn’t believe me when I told him I came, and I asked him how he likes it when I’m quiet. He thought this was funny, and then things went back to normal.
Why is he so quiet? What can I do?
We’re Not In The Library
Stop treating this like it’s a problem, WNITL, even if you experience it that way, and start treating it like a challenge and a game.
Give him a blowjob, choke on that cock, bring him right to the edge, then pull his cock out of your mouth and say, “Do you like that? Are you close? You want me to keep going?” Then look up at him and slowly stroke his cock—not fast enough to get him off, but not so slowly that you’ll have to start that blowjob all over again—and wait for his response. When he says something, his dick goes back in your mouth.
When he stops talking, his dick comes back out. Or if he’s fucking you and he’s getting close, wrap your legs around his ass and pull him in and hold him there so he can’t thrust. Then say, “Feel good? Getting close? Wanna finish?” Don’t let him budge until he talks; don’t let him continue if he stops talking.
Be playfully, sexily confrontational, WNITL, and you’ll be able to extract the feedback you want during sex while helping him get over his insecurities about how men are supposed to act during sex.
My boyfriend/fiancé likes to be put in a cage, and we have a very scary-looking cage in my closet. (God help me if my mother ever finds it—I’ll be in more trouble than that guy whose mother found his life-size sex doll!) His biggest turn-on is to come home on Friday night, go right into his cage, and for me to keep him there until Sunday morning. I only let him out if he needs to have a bowel movement or if I want to screw. (There’s a bottle of water in his cage if he gets thirsty and an empty bottle if he needs to pee, and he doesn’t get fed much because he’s not exactly burning calories in there.)
I’ve been reading your column since I was 19 (I’m 27 now), I’m GGG [‘good, giving, and game – ??ed ], and I’m happy to do this for my boyfriend. And knowing he’s in there waiting for me—and doing crunches to pass the time (you should see his abs!)—does make me horny, too. The issue: I won’t leave our apartment when he’s locked up. What if there’s a fire? Or we get burgled? Or if there’s a meteor strike? Or a terrorist attack? He says I’m being paranoid and that it really turns him on to know that I’m out with my girlfriends, having drinks or whatever, while he’s locked up in my closet “with the rest of my things.” Who’s in the right here???
My Boyfriend Is My Prisoner
P.S. Our only other conflict: He insisted we find a place with two closets, one of them walk-in, because he wants to be stored in my closet, not a shared closet, “with the rest of my things.” (That phrase really turns him on—he’s one of my things!) We passed on some beautiful apartments because the closets weren’t perfect, and my mom—who helped with the down payment and apartment-shopped with us—thought we were crazy. If only she knew!
You’re in the right, MBIMP. If there’s a fire or a robbery or meteor strike—or if you get hit by a car and wind up in a coma for three months and he slowly starves to death in your apartment—then you could go to jail for manslaughter and/or negligent homicide. So that fiancé thing of yours shouldn’t be left alone when he’s in his cage; no one should ever be left alone tied-up and/or imprisoned. If he insists on you going out on a cage weekend, MBIMP, then you’ll have to hire a sitter—bondage, not baby. Take out a personal ad, lay out what you need (someone to be there, in case something happens, but that’s all), and very, very carefully interview applicants. Better yet, get involved with your local BDSM group, make some kinky friends, and see if anyone is up for a little bondagesitting.
Or, hey, you can live a little dangerously: Give your boyfriend a cell phone, don’t go far, and instruct your prisoner to call if he smells smoke while he’s doing his crunches.
A PROGRAMMING NOTE: Lots of folks have asked me where my iPhone app is. Well, I didn’t have one—until now. The Savage Love iPhone app has been submitted to Apple. Will they accept it? Or will it be too porny for Steve Jobs? Stay tuned. In the meantime, you can still find a new Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at snipe.at/savage every Tuesday.
01 Jun 2010
Daily MPfree: The Hundred In The Hands
Slick, polished house/shoegaze crossover from Brooklyn, brought to you via the evergreen and increasingly diverse talent-spotters Warp Records. MySpace
01 Jun 2010
28 May 2010
Daily MPfree: Benni Hemm Hemm
Icelander Benni Hemm Hemm plays live with anything from 4 to 40 musicians. “Retaliate” is a nice demonstration of how his songs manage to be both intimate and extroverted through the course of their 3 or 4 minutes. Pick up the Retaliate EP from their venerable Reykjavik label, Kimi Records.
28 May 2010
Snipe Daily MPfree: Send Us Your Tracks
Here at Snipe, we want only the best for you, dear readers. That’s why we spend so much time poring over our previews, and sending you on your way to the most interesting shows, plays and exhibitions in town.
So, as we’re in the digital age and all, we’ve decided to go one step further, and dish up the best free music we come across every day on the Snipe website under the banner of the Daily MPfree. There are lots up already, in all kinds of genres – be it Sheffield indie-pop from Standard Fare, NYC “glo-fi” from Twin Sister and Teen Daze, or krautrock from Brighton via Osaka from our issue #1 stars Drum Eyes… have a listen, maybe you’ll find something you like.
Often, the Daily MPfrees will be by bands that are playing somewhere in London that night, so if you really do fall in love, you can get out there and see it live. And if you haven’t got the time or inclination to check back daily, there’ll be a monthly compilation of all the tracks that featured.
But as well as listening, we want to hear your recommendations. Whether it’s a track you’ve made, or by your friend’s unsigned band; or maybe you work as a DIY label or a music publicist. Whatever. If it’s copyright-cleared for us to offer as a download, shoot it over to us, and if it floats our boat, it’ll get used.
Upload songs to our Soundcloud at http://bit.ly/snipelondon. Stick a MySpace or a website URL in message. And maybe you’ll hear from us down the line. Don’t be offended if you don’t. We still love you.
And in the meantime, we hope you enjoy the Daily MPfrees!
27 May 2010
Daily MPfree: Sam Amidon
A grim folk tale set against mathy, shuffling backing. Sam Amidon plays Bush Hall tonight.
27 May 2010
Snipe Yourself Tickets: Sam Amidon @ Bush Hall
We at Snipe have a great prize to offer up today, you lucky things.
The wonderful Sam Amidon, who released a genuine album-of-the-year contender in “I See A Sign” on Iceland’s Bedroom Community label this March, plays a headline show at Bush Hall on Thursday 27th May. And we’ve a pair of tickets to give away.
To win, just answer the following question.
Which of the following is not a member of the Bedroom Community?
a) Valgeir Sigurðsson
b) Nico Muhly
c) Bjork
Send your answer to [email protected]. The winner will be picked at random and notified by email tomorrow morning.
If you’d like to be sure of entry, you can always nip over and buy yourself tickets here.
26 May 2010
Snipe Highlights
Some popular articles from past years
- Punk brewery just as sexist and homophobic as the industry they rail against
- Nice map of London's fruit trees shows you where to pick free food
- 9 poems about London: one for each of your moods
- Number of people using Thames cable car plunges
- Summer Camp: Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days
- The best church names in London, and where they come from
- The five best places in London to have an epiphany
- Could red kites be London's next big nature success story?
- Random Interview: Eileen Conn, co-ordinator of Peckham Vision
- Diary of the shy Londoner
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