Jackboots on Whitehall

Have you ever wondered what would have happened if the Nazis had invaded Britain? Probably.

What about if the Nazis had been tiny puppets and Hitler a cross-dresser, camply voiced by Alan Cumming? Almost certainly not. Now, what if the English army (still puppets) were stranded in France and the last few dregs of the English resistance had to rely on the Scots for back-up? Now we’re verging on the absurd. ‘Jackboots on Whitehall’, an alternative history mini-epic, explores just this using cutting- edge puppetry (such a thing does exist!), an army of great British actors and a healthy dose of patriotism.

The story unfolds in a sleepy town in rural Kent where we find the handsome farm-worker Chris (Ewan McGregor). Denied the affections of his sweetheart Daisy by her
cruel father and refused admission to the army due to a freakish disability, Chris is unfulfilled, unlucky in love and desperate for a chance to fight for his country.

However, when the British army become trapped in Dunkirk the Nazis seize their chance to invade and drill under the Channel and straight into Trafalgar Square! Logic aside, with London captured a battle ensues and the resistance buckles. Chris, hearing Churchill’s (Timothy Spall) final plea for help from a surrendered Downing Street decides to Carpe the Diem and rally the troops –in this case an inebriated vicar (Richard E. Grant) an old farm worker (Stephen Merchant) aforementioned love interest/ Vicar’s daughter Daisy (Rosamund Pike) and a peculiar assortment of eccentric village types to fight for Britain’s freedom and rescue England’s green and pleasant hills. On a tractor. Called Betty.

‘Jackboots…’ was the obvious choice to open Raindance Film Festival this year: an impressive cast list, skilfully composed dialogue and expert animation – not forgetting that this is a film from directors/writers Rory and Ed McHenry who are only 23 and 27 respectively. Whilst Ewan McGregor carries the story along nicely, it’s the most oddball characters that provide the heartiest performances and make the film outstanding. Timothy Spall, who lends his voice talents to the character of Churchill, was a fine casting decision and a less accomplished actor would not have supported such a strong role. Then there’s Richard E. Grant, whose portrayal of the ruddy-faced vicar more than a whiff of Withnail about him; surely not by accident.

There’s also The Punjabi Guard, who are commanded by the effortlessly talented and all-round funny man Sanjeev Bhaskar, providing much amusement and a varied base of characters. Not to be underestimated is the talent needed to act when using only voice and the brothers McHenry have matched their clever puppetry to perfectly suited actors. The plot may be predictable in places, but that’s certainly no bad thing. All epic stories are formulaic to a degree; it is through the archetypal lead characters and well-known patterns of plot development that we come to recognise classic storytelling. The story is enriched by a quality cast and plenty of humour to keep things light-hearted, meaning that ‘Jackboots on Whitehall’ has the makeup of a ripping good yarn.

It’s hard to believe that this is only the debut film from brothers Rory and Edward McHenry. It would have been easy to jump on the success of Team America, but instead what we’re given is a film which is unashamedly British, puppets with a touch of Blue Peter’s ‘here’s-one-I-made-earlier’ charm about them, and characters who are over-brimming with eccentricity. The real magic of this film comes in the deliciously funny dialogue, which when twinned with the stellar cast, means no opportunity for a joke is left behind. ‘Jackboots…’ is a film which will certainly triumph at Raindance, and I suspect that it will be the first of many triumphs for the brothers McHenry. Rule Britannia!

Polytechnic: come with us now to a journey to the 1970s

David Critchley, Pieces I Never Did, 1979, 31 minutes, U-matic transferred to DVD; 3 monitors, Exhibition view, Raven Row, Courtesy the artist, Photograph by Marcus J. Leith

The late 70s was a period of instability and uncertainty in the UK as Thatcher’s Conservative government saw a rapid rise in unemployment and de-industrialisation. Focusing on the generation that emerged amidst this background of public un-rest, Richard Grayson and Raven Row director Alex Sainsbury organised Polytechnic.

Taking inspiration from the early 1980s Newcastle collaborative The Basement Group, this show is set to include everything from installations and poster art to VHS work.

Featuring pieces from John Adams, Ian Bourn, Susan Hiller, Stuart Marshall, Cordelia Swann and Graham Young, the gallery space highlights how new media’s accessibility challenged the capitalist practices of painting and sculpting. As new technologies developed, so too did their application as visual media grew beyond its mainstream state media province and gradually took on an artistic narrative.

Every room is set to be a disorientating cacophony of noise, as loud recordings ring out against ambient sounds and over snugly fit headphones whilst nuances of nostalgia envelope the space. Susan Hiller’s piece deals most directly with humanity, time, immortality and memory as the array of fuzzy, monochromatic works earnestly convey socio political commentary that is as relevant for the heightened tensions of today’s society as it was for the rapidly expanding world of the 70s and 80s.

Polytechnic, Raven Row, 56 Artillery Lane, , London, E1 7LS, 020 7377 4300 ,Until 7 November

I feel weird having sex with my flatmate’s girlfriend when he is in the room

I’m a straight college guy, age 21, and I share a house with some buddies and a couple. Anyhow, the interesting stuff: This couple has been together for four years. They’re both quite sexual, but she’s got more libido than he does. I’ve got a big sex drive, too. Both of them have stated an openness to polyamorous situations. She started flirting with me three weeks ago, and flirting turned into no-sex threesomes with her and her BF every few nights.

I’m perfectly fine with poly, or I wouldn’t be doing this, but it feels a bit awkward fingering her or sucking on her nipples while her boyfriend is in the room, or even the same bed. Both of us guys are straight and have no desire to see the other naked, so there’s none of that going on. I’ve got no beef with guys who like beef, but being in a sexual situation with another guy—like the one going on here—makes me uncomfortable. And anyway, I feel like he’s the “primary” one, the one she loves and kisses, so I move over whenever he shows interest. This is reinforced because she said that she didn’t feel comfortable kissing other guys—although fingering is fine (?)—and I get the impression (although it could be my imagination) that he’s not entirely happy that I’m cuddling and/or fingering his girlfriend while he plays Dawn of War five feet away from their bed.

I’m fine with being the “secondary” guy. But I’d much rather have some privacy if we—meaning me and her—are gonna try to get each other off, particularly if this arrangement of ours should progress to actual sex. But this is tough, since there’s nowhere else in the house to go other than their room. Incidentally, we haven’t told our other friends/housemates about this, although they could probably put two and two together; she screams in orgasm, and half an hour later I say good night and go back down to my room.

Any advice for making the situation more comfortable for all involved?
Can’t Think Of A Clever Name

You’re fingering her, you’re sucking her tits, you’re getting her off (screaming orgasms induced dicklessly), she’s getting you off (your orgasms induced somehow or other)—which means, CTOACN, that this can’t be described as a “no-sex” arrangement. You’re not having vaginal intercourse, you’re not kissing the girl, but you’re having sex, and a lot of it.

But I wouldn’t slap a 10-dollar word like “polyamorous” on what you’re doing. You may be in a polyamorous relationship someday—with this couple, with some other couple—but all you’re really doing at the moment is “messing around.”

Okay, CTOACN, it sounds like this girl is pretty up front about what she’s comfortable doing—no kissing, no vaginal intercourse (for you)—and clear about her boundaries. You need to be similarly assertive. Tell them both that you’re not comfortable messing around while he’s in the room. So instead of playing Dawn of War while you two mess around, her boyfriend could head to the library, go for a walk, do some reading in the communal space of your shared house, or—hey—go play Dawn of War in your room for a while.

If he balks, CTOACN, then you may want to reconsider the assumptions you’ve made about him. You’re not comfortable with any hint of guy-on-guy, but he may want to be in the room while you’re messing around with his girlfriend because he digs that hint. I’m not saying that he’s bi, or that he wants to get with you, as the kids were only too recently saying—but I’m not saying he isn’t bi or doesn’t want to get with you, either. I guess what I’m saying is…

Considering (1) his presence every time you’re messing around with her (surely the library, the living room, or your room would’ve occurred to him if he were uncomfortable being in the same room while you fingered O’Donnelled his girlfriend), (2) the limitations she’s placed on the kind of sex she’ll have with you, and (3) his tendency to suddenly “show interest” after you’ve been messing around with his girlfriend (at which point you “move over” and, presumably, out), I’m thinking this girl’s boyfriend is into cuckolding-lite.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. But it could mean asking for quality time alone with his girlfriend would bring the messing around to an end.

IT GETS BETTER: Online, I wrote about Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old kid in Indiana who took his own life after enduring years of bullying for being gay. Billy didn’t identify as gay and may not have been gay. But the consequences of anti-gay bullying—whether the kid being harassed is gay or closeted or just different—are often the same: isolation, pain, despair, and suicide.

After last week’s column went to press, I learned about another teenager—this one openly gay—who recently took his own life. Cody J. Barker was a 17-year-old high-school student in Shiocton, Wisconsin. Cody was a cyclist and a gardener and a Lady Gaga fan who had planned to start a gay-straight student alliance at his high school this fall. “He really cared about making schools a safe place for students,” a friend of Cody’s told the Wisconsin Gazette. “That wasn’t always his own experience with school.”

Billy Lucas in Indiana, Cody Barker in Wisconsin, Justin Aaberg in Minnesota—these three boys and countless other LGBT kids have committed suicide because they couldn’t picture a future for themselves.

That’s why my boyfriend and I launched the It Gets Better Project, a slightly grand name for a YouTube channel. We made a short video about our lives—the harassment we endured in school, the full and rewarding lives we enjoy now—and invited other LGBT adults to make and upload videos about their lives. The response has been completely overwhelming: thousands of members, hundreds of thousands of views, and more than 100 videos from people all over the world sharing their stories, all in an effort to let bullied and isolated and unhappy LGBT kids know that it gets better.

There are a couple of similar and ongoing projects that deserve a shout-out: the amazing and deeply moving I’m from Driftwood documents “true stories by gay people all over.” Please check it out. And there’s a large archive of YouTube videos from LGBT teenagers talking about their own coming-out experiences at www.tinyurl.com/2fuwffh. And if any LGBT teenagers reading this are contemplating suicide, please visit the Trevor Project, a suicide-prevention project for gay teenagers.

And here’s a thought for people who are thinking about making videos for the It Gets Better Project: Many of the early submitted videos focused on something many gay adults have in common with gay kids—our experiences with being bullied. The pain we endured as kids should be touched on. But it would be great to see more videos that give gay young people a picture of the lives they could make for themselves if they just hang in there. I realise that sometimes it’s hard to talk about the good in our lives, the things that make us happy, because it feels braggy and jinxy. And knowing that not everyone finds happiness in the same things can make us self-conscious. But LGBT kids who don’t know any LGBT adults need to see—with their own eyes—that gay adults lead happy and rewarding lives. So if you decide to make a video—and I hope that you do—don’t just share your pain. Share your joy. Give ’em hope. Save a life. www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

Hey readers: Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at snipe.at/savage.

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Surfer Blood

Surfer Blood are five young men from Miami Beach, Florida. Despite a healthy distaste for drum ‘n’ bass, they met at an Ultra Festival after-party in Miami and decided to get together and polish up a couple of songs. Less than two years later, we’re presented with their debut album Astro Coast – a strikingly well made record melding together elements of powerful psych, robust surf and shimmering shoegaze into a delectable echoey brew. The album obviously caught the public imagination over in the USA, making an appearance in the lower reaches of the Billboard chart. Since then, Surfer Blood has been sweeping across the UK, picking up a slot at Koko, selling out the Lexington, and launching into a support tour with Interpol this October for their first taste of the big stage. Live, they’re an endearing gang of young friends, goofing about and laughing when one of the others pulls a tentative rock star shape. But with such a mature sensibility and a knack for catchy melodies, we’ll be seeing a lot more from Surfer Blood.

Sam Amidon

Moving to New York City to rebel against the folk music he and his family had played together since he was a toddler didn’t really work out for Sam Amidon. While he’d intended to get into indie rock and free jazz, he found that the hipster kids were all playing the same American folk songs he’d been trying to leave behind. And what a rich vein of music to mine: murder ballads, tragic tales and love songs played and learned and passed on based solely on merit, with the best and most memorable surviving to the present day. Amidon puts his own spin on them of course, interspersing the tracks with surreal improvised stories and sometimes destroying delicate tracks with noisy jams, guitar solos and strange physical tics and dances, not unlike UK folk experimentalist David Thomas Broughton. His latest album and career high I See A Sign collects nine such standards and one beautiful reworking of a trite R. Kelly track, showing Amidon can turn his hand to other types of music too. It was apparently recorded in just two hours at the Greenhouse Studio in Iceland, with arrangements by the white-hot talents of Nico Muhly and Valgeir Sigurðsson providing a mouth-watering cherry on the cake.

Jellied Eels: The News in review

Barnet Council’s latest budget busting has fallen flat, with a plan for allowance rises scrapped following pressure from residents and ministers. According to the Ham & High, Leader Lynne Hillan dropped the plan, in which council cabinet members’ allowance would rocket by 99 per cent, after ‘listening carefully’ to local people. The handling of this u-turn has sparked a leadership challenge from fellow Tory councilor Mark Shooter, who is canvassing support for a vote in the coming weeks. The Barnet council has previously been criticized for its penny-pinching tactics, including the adoption of a tiered service charging model and a reduced size of rubbish bins.

More council budgets have turned to Waste, with frugal fortnightly rubbish collections now facing four Boroughs. Joining Kingston-upon-Thames, Bexley and Harrow, Brent Council’s Assistant Director of Environment told the Evening Standard the shift will save £1.2 Million a year and allow for more recycling. This came one day after Communities Secretary Eric Pickle pledged to preserve weekly refuse rounds.

Haringey has performed its own cutbacks, with trimmed garden hedges being hailed for slashing crime. The BBC reports that ‘natural survellience’ has deterred car thieves by 28%, after the Council’s Edward Scissorhands efforts.
In what seems to be a rare win for residents over revenue, councilors have shut down a redevelopment application for the Greenwich Market. Leader of the Greenwich Council Chris Roberts stated that the plan, which would have added a hotel and offices to the Unesco World Heritage site, was ‘unbalanced and dominant’. The Londonist notes that a ‘re-jigged plan that treats the space more sympathetically’ is in the works.

Following Boris Bikes and designated lanes, the summer of Cycle Love could come to a close with London cyclists facing a ban from the South Bank. Lambeth Council is considering concerns put forward by the South Bank Employers’ Group to make the area between the London Eye and the Oxo Tower safer for pedestrians and two-wheels unfriendly. Public consultation closes on the 10th September.

Livingstone advocates a SXSW-style fest for London

London’s Labour Party members will be choosing their candidate for 2012’s mayoral election during September – with the capital’s live music scene joining transport, housing and the economy as one of the themes of the debate.
Challenger and former MP Oona King – last seen losing to George Galloway in her Bethnal Green & Bow seat five years ago – has made much of her apparent youth in the contest, with the 43-year-old fondly reminiscing about nights out at the Ministry of Sound.

Vicious Cycle: Ringing the bell on the Boris Bikes

The most remarkable thing about Boris Johnson’s “cycling revolution” is that there doesn’t appear to have been one. Despite millions of pounds of investment, reams of publicity and a high-profile cycling mayor, the amount of journeys taken by bike is low and is expected to remain so.

Benefits of work: why the Tory welfare plan won’t work

Making work pay is fine rhetoric but it is fantasy to expect a profit-motivated private sector with an excess labour supply to deliver a society where work pays. As long as workers are superfluous, work cannot provide dignity and livelihood.

Random Interview: Rachel: Beauty Therapist and Nail Technician, Iconic Beauty Salon, Camberwell

Friday morning in Camberwell. Screeching bus brakes fill the air as people carry shopping back home along the crowded streets. A man with a beer can is singing “Maybe I’m because I’m a Londoner.” (sic) The beauty shops and hair salons are a hub of activity as a variety of weaves, extensions and nail treatments are underway. I have decided to visit a salon and nail treatment parlour to talk to beauty therapist Rachel while she treats and paints my nails.

Snipe: What do you like most about your job?

Rachel: Today I might have 10 different customers, 10 different lives, maybe a teacher, lawyer, single mum, I can teach them something about beauty and they can teach me something about life.

S: This shop is very tasteful, but a lot of nail places around here have a sort of 80’s vibe about the decor, why do you think that is?

R: I don’t know really, it’s everyone’s personal preference how they have their shop.

S: Some of the nail extensions I have seen around Peckham are quite extreme, do you like that look?

R: Well I‘m more about the natural look. If I went and did everything in my profession, like if I had my eyebrows tattooed on, had extensions, full make up, you wouldn’t really trust me would you? My job is all about image really. People are wanting to change something about themselves, looking for improvement. but I think if you do too much you end up looking like Jordan don’t you?

S: …which could be a bit scary. Hair salons in this community seem to be vibrant places – would you agree that they are important socially?

R: Yeah it is, especially the hair dressers. It’s gossip time I think that’s what hair and beauty is about. People come in and we have a chat about what has been going on. At my previous job there were people that came in all the time.

S: Sometimes it feels like there aren’t enough places where people can come together..

R: Yeah I would agree with that. Community is important especially when we live in an area where everything is not really peachy is it?

S: Also there are so many kinds of people that live here, but it can be frustrating sometimes that we all live quite separately ..

R: Yeah – everyone is kind of in their own lives. But here it’s just nice to relax, to chat about things. This is beauty therapy, and you know, like with a therapist you can get some things off your mind.

S: It’s strange how beauty is something you think of as being quite physical but there’s something about this that is actually quite therapeutic and soothing mentally …

R: Yeah it is, I guess it’s just letting yourself unwind and not think about something in that moment, you know you are just thinking about what colour nail varnish you are going to put on.. But you know, most of beauty is about home care, that’s what I believe. I mean you can come in for a facial but if you’re not doing anything at home, and following your own beauty routine, having a balanced diet, then how’s it going to work? You are just giving your money to someone for nothing really.

S: Around here there is an abundance of fast food. Do you think it’s difficult for people around here to maintain that balanced diet?

R: There’s nowhere for me to eat here, I don’t eat chicken or chips I think it’s about quality rather than quantity. Less healthy foods are cheaper so people say buy it, if you can’t afford it though then what can you do really? Food should be at a lower rate especially for people growing up – teenagers are eating a lot of fast food, and you can see why their skin becomes oily.

S: Have you always considered beauty to be an important part of your life?

R: I fell into it. When I was 15 I left school I was one of those girls that didn’t really like school. I was quite intelligent though. I left school in July, in September I decided I wanted to go back to school and they didn’t let me back, so I never got to do my GCSEs, I got sent to Lewisham college but I was learning the same things, and it felt like I was already educated and I always had the option of beauty, and eventually I thought – I’m going to try it.

S: Do you think you have made the right decisions?

R: For the meantime I think there are so many areas in beauty to explore – if you want you can be the best nail technician. I’m interested in being a beautician on a cruise ship and there’s competitions, you could be the best nail technician in the UK.