Top 5

2011's big news stories that already bore us to tears

Mike Pollitt | Sunday 2 January, 2011 22:09

The new year is upon us, bringing with it many things: boundless hopes for individual and collective renewal; the opportunity to take stock and evaluate our place in time; and an overstaffed 24-hour media desperately trying to justify itself in a suicidally accelerating news cycle. With the last of those in mind, here are five stories set to be big in 2011. And we’re sick of them already.

The Royal Wedding
Let’s get one thing straight – when William marries Kate the ceremony will symbolise one thing and one thing only: that William is getting married to Kate. It doesn’t herald a reimagining of the monarchy for the 21st century, it doesn’t speak to our society’s need to validate demographic change through the prism of the ruling class, and it’s not really that big a deal. It’s just an excuse for a massive piss up. Can we please treat it as such?

The coalition disagreeing with itself
So there’s these two parties who differ with each other on a shedload of things, but have agreed to disagree in the interests of pursuing the objectives which they share. If some of them happen to express privately that they’re not completely on board with everything that the other lot believe, is that such a surprise? Grow up, political journalists. Just grow up.

Anyone saying anything on Twitter
Snipe loves social network gossipy chit chat as much as the next cutting edge publication. Let’s just not pretend it’s news. It’s fluff.

Variable weather
There’s probably going to be a fairly soggy week in the springtime, a heatwave for part of the summer and a snowy patch some time next winter. When these things happen, do not be alarmed, for they have happened pretty much every year in these parts since the dawn of creation. And definitely don’t give them 15 minutes analysis on the 6 o’clock news. You’re being fascinated by weather. Come on.

The 2012 Olympics
This will be news. In 2012.

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