Film

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

Rebecca Sear | Monday 21 March, 2011 11:45

Director: Woody Allen
Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Gemma Jones, Naomi Watts, Antonio Banderas

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger opens on a watery-eyed, newly divorced wallflower named Helena (Gemma Jones- Bridget Jones). Suddenly plunged into the world of singledom and unable to move on from her failed marriage, she seeks solace in the prophecies of ‘psychic’ Cristal (Pauline Collins), along with liberal measures of whisky. Her predicted tall, dark stranger, turns out to be rather more a strange, plump and follically challenged occultist, complete with a whole heap of ectoplasmic baggage. Meanwhile, her freshly Fake-Baked ex husband Alfie (Anthony Hopkins) seeks his succour in the money-grabbing arms of doe-eyed ditz Charmaine (Lucy Punch) whose wandering gaze falls on her unctuous personal trainer. Despite Alfie’s rather desperate attempts to stay young – cue Viagra jokes aplenty- cracks begin to appear as he realises his rash decisions may have cost him dear.

Across town, we see the that things aren’t so rosy for the couple’s daughter either. Following in her parent’s footsteps, Sally’s (Naomi Watts) marriage is buckling under the strain of supporting her failed writer husband Roy (Josh Brolin). Disenchanted with being the breadwinner, she starts crushing on her boss Greg (Antonio Banderas), whilst Roy evades writer’s block by lusting over the enigmatic lady-in-red next door, Dia (Frida Pinto). Inevitable disaster ensues when both become lost in their fantasies, and everyone is left pretty red-faced.

Performances are so-so. Gemma Jones simply recycles the character of Bridget Jones’ mum, with all of the cringing that comes with middle-aged mumsiness and none of the charisma. Hopkins’ performance as a downtrodden sugar daddy is an embarrassment for such a fine actor, and Naomi Watt’s performance seems flat as close-ups show her attempting to contort her face into well-rehearsed emotions. Slight respite comes in the form of the captivating Frida Pinto playing the ‘other woman’, but sadly she is not used enough and seems insubstantial against the unfinished story.

Written and directed by Woody Allen, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger has ambitious ideas. From the opening credits, one can tell immediately that here is a film which is trying to communicate something about how ironic life can be, and how darned fickle minded we are along the way. The message is clear, but one leaves feeling frustrated that the character’s problems are not resolved, and everyone is in a bigger mess than when they started. Allen’s storytelling, along with the voiceover, has delicately structured these fragile lives, touched by death, frustration, ambition, lust, but above all each character is yearning for change. Resultantly, the overall impression of the film is one of thinly-veiled disappointment; the story had no satisfactory conclusion, but at least the soundtrack was pretty.

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