The Metropolis

England Healthier Than Least Healthy Country in History

Chuck Ansbacher | Thursday 10 March, 2011 09:31

Congratulations England! You’re less fat than the fattest fat kid at fat camp. While it’s exciting to point out the multitude flaws apparent in the many facets of American ridiculousness, it’s also an exercise in futility. America is a very special animal. It’s good at having a large population, concentrating vast amounts of wealth in the uppermost echelons of this population, and its pizza is delicious.

But in most measurements of first-world quality of life, America fails. And as everyone is by now aware, health of its citizenry is one of those failures.

Across all ages, US residents tend to fare worse in terms of diabetes, high cholesterol and heart disease markers, data on over 100,000 people show.

The reason remains a mystery, says the US team, and challenges the idea that resources necessarily improve health.

A mystery? You can’t be serious. The Lost City of Atlantis is a mystery. Why asparagus makes your pee smell funny is a mystery. Why I can’t have a pet dolphin yet is a mystery! But why is America a less healthy country than England? Friends, you don’t need to be Dan Brown to unravel that one.

Even in this very article, there are some clues.

For example, Americans use less preventative health care than the British. Why is that? Well, they’re a far less insured country. They have less physician visits per year, hospital visits are shorter, and everything costs more.

Didn’t we have this message clearly and precisely drilled into our heads for the entirety of last year because of that ridiculous health care debate they had? America’s health care system is horrible! Horribly mysterious.

The researchers say: “Why health status differs so dramatically in these two countries, which share much in terms of history and culture, is an unresolved puzzle.”

Sounds like some researchers should resolve to watch a bit more FOX News.

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