The Metropolis

The most annoying adverts of June 2011

Mike Pollitt | Friday 17 June, 2011 09:15

Lynx

This is everywhere at the moment, and it’s dire. The reason is neither the grating puerility of the concept, the always tiresome madonna/whore idealisation of the babes, or the fact that it’s a shameless rip off of a three year old viral smash. This is a Lynx advert, that’s par for the course. What’s awful about this is that it marks a shift in Lynx’s approach from wear this to attract babes and get laid, to wear this or you will be publically embarrassed and no one will sleep with you ever again. I’d rather be sweaty than bullied, thanks.

Google chrome

Is “I’ve been emailing you all your life” something any person wants to hear? I can’t wait until little Hollie is finally given access to her account and discovers 500 messages from her stalker Freudian nightmare of a father to wade through. What. Ever. You’re not doing it for her, dad, you’re doing it for you, to fulfil some cutesy sentimentalised notion of parenthood which places you and what you did and how great a parent you were at the centre of the parent/child relationship. Delete all.

Windows 7

An easy target, so lets get started. When Ikea had an advert in which they rebuilt someone’s kitchen for them without them knowing, it was pretty annoying. But at least the victim got a brand new kitchen. Windows have taken the same approach here, but instead of getting a new kitchen for their house the victim gets…a new computer showroom for their house. Riiiiiiiiight. Sorry, but what the hell is a computer showroom doing in my lounge? I like my lounge. I sit there to read and watch Eggheads. And you’ve gone and filled it with loads of computers I’ve already told you I don’t really want? Wtf?

Mazuma

That we’ve come to the point in the history of western society where tweenagers not only own phones, but are being explicitly invited to sell them in order to fund god knows what appalling habit, is a matter of deep regret. That the human brain is permeable to that repetitive jingle is a reproach to evolution. Ugh.

Direct Line

Feng Shui LOLs? They stopped being quirky and modish about ten years ago. I’ve no problem with comedians doing adverts, god knows I’d take the money if someone offered it me, but at least pay some lip service to cultural relevance. Feng shui indeed. I ask you.

---