London agenda for Monday 4 April
1. Laugh at Tim Key’s The Slutcracker [Run Riot]
2. Hear Nigerian sensation Asa at the Barbican [Flavorpill]
3. Watch vulnerable Columbia street children fly through the air [Time Out]
4. Catch up with the Cafe Concert Tour [Tired of London]
04 Apr 2011
Cowboys In The Void by Quilt
60s/70s psych-folk revivalists Quilt hail from Boston, Massachusetts. The trio have just released a 7” album, Angels Of Play, through Breakfast Of Champs. According to Altered Zones the band are currently putting the finishing touches to their debut LP; for those who can’t wait, download current single Cowboys In The Void/Penobska Oakwalk here.
02 Apr 2011
The Conservatives’ Epic £1 Billion Tuition Fail
As universities take advantage of their new found ability to charge higher tuition fees in droves, we’re left scratching our heads, wondering how the Conservatives never saw this one coming.
01 Apr 2011
Evening Standard newsdesk in new CHAOS shock
Less than two years after it plastered London with posters saying sorry for becoming a nasty, shrill, hysterical and generally out-of-touch newspaper, is the Evening Standard slipping back into its tired old ways?
Today’s story about the closure of the Northern Line platforms at Tottenham Court Road station is a classic case of London’s only evening newspaper getting its knickers in a twist over a minor difficulty on the Tube.
Chaos on the Tube: Eight months of disruption on the Northern line, the freesheet bellows, despite the fact that the trains will still run as normal – and alternative stations are only a few minutes’ walk away.
In fact, the paper suggests Londoners would rather the station stayed a decrepit mess.
A survey for the Evening Standard revealed that many passengers do not believe disruption is “inevitable” while upgrade work is taking place.
The ComRes survey shows that although many commuters are prepared to bear the pain during the upgrade, 19 per cent said they believed the turmoil was avoidable.
Yes, a whole 19 per cent of people believe Tube stations should be rebuilt by magic pixies who do the work in the dead of night.
Anyhow, for those who don’t believe walking five minutes constitutes “turmoil”, the work is to expand the cramped existing ticket hall, add new entrances and add a new ticket hall at Dean Street.
Much of this work is prompted by the arrival of Crossrail – which will provide a whole new railway line for the Standard to moan about when it opens in 2018.
01 Apr 2011
Vuvuzelas For the Royal Wedding!
The pleasant noisemakers made famous at last summer’s South African World Cup may be banned from the 2012 Olympics, but that doesn’t mean you should throw them out just yet. A Facebook page has sprung up encouraging Royal Wedding enthusiasts the nation over to head over to Westminster Abbey on April 29th, and and help the young couple rejoice in their newly tied knot by serenading them with the sweet, melodic sounds of the South African Sax.
As you’ll recall, and as the above video illustrates, not only does Prince William love the vuvuzela, he is also a skilled player of the instrument. Let’s all make his Royal Wedding the best Royal Wedding ever!
01 Apr 2011
Late night river buses come back - at a cost
April Fool’s Day brought some good news for people who use London’s biggest river bus service – but bad news for those who think the river can be “a new Tube line”.
Last year, Thames Clippers withdrew its evening services along its route from Embankment Pier to Woolwich, saying the services were very little used.
While the boats were hardly packed, they did provide a handy route home for commuters with homes close to the river, who promptly got up a petition.
Now some evening services have been restored – but at a cost. As of today, two late boats will leave the Embankment at 10.08pm and 11.08pm – but season ticket holders will have to pay a £2 surcharge, and Travelcard holders won’t get their 30% discount on fares which go up to £5.50 per ride.
Thames Clippers boss Sean Collins thinks that with 15-20 passengers on each boat, the new, costlier service could be viable.
None of which, though, is good news for those who think the river can be “a new Tube line”. Failed Labour mayoral candidate Oona King used that as one of her campaign themes, while Conservative-backed think tank Policy Exchange has also pushed for an expansion in river services.
But what sort of Tube line would charge extra for travelling after 10pm? And Boris Johnson has already signalled that he does not want to keep “pouring money into the River Thames” by increasing subsidies to the service.
So for now, if you want to get a river bus after dark, you’ll have to cough up. And dreams of a waterborne “Tube line” have floated that bit further down the river.
01 Apr 2011
Time Out London Launching New Email Spamming Service to Compete With Groupon
The programme promises exclusive discounts, deals and savings, so pretty much the exact same thing as every Groupon clone in existence. The only difference? These deals will be hand picked by Time Out! Which is not a selling point!
01 Apr 2011
An Open Letter to the writers of Open Letters
I’m starting this letter with an expression of faux regret at having to write it at all. But I’m sorry, I had to. Because you see the awfulness of your behaviour has forced my hand.
Before I get to the point, I just want to waffle through an overwritten and insincere paragraph in your praise in order to demonstrate my essential reasonableness and thus buttress my criticism against charges of unfairness. For example I really respect your self-confidence, and…that’s it.
Because now I want to crack on with the main body of my letter, a lengthy rant listing all the ways in which you sicken and appall me. This will be couched in a faux-intellectual style so insufferably smug it will make you want to punch a hole in your computer screen.
I’ll occasionally be addressing you directly, Open Letter Writer, in a pair of commas the condescension of which will take your breath away.
I’ll earnestly use the second person as I implore you, YOU, Open Letter Writer, to change you ways and stop behaving like such a tit.
I’ll draw on false parallels expressed with meaningless sophistry, such as suggesting that the openness of your letters both mimics and augments the technologically-inspired break up of normative structures of communication, for which you should be deeply ashamed.
And I’ll overload paragraphs with historical references, comparing you unfavourably to obscure letter writers of the past like Pliny the Younger, for no good reason other than to show how well-read I am.
Finally, I’ll pretend to offer some advice. But it wont be anything simple like “stop writing Open Letters you annoying burk”. Because you see, Open Letter Writer, the point of the advice, and of this Open Letter itself, is not to effect any change in your behaviour. It’s really all about me. It’s a medium by which I can show how engaged I am with society, how earnestly I can write, how much I care and how well I can articulate that caring. In short, Open Letter Writer, it’s the online equivalent of walking into the middle of the town square and masturbating over my reflection in the public fountain.
So whatever you do, don’t reply to this letter (not that it’s a letter, it’s a blog, and not that you could anyway because you’re not a real person, you’re a chimera I’ve concocted for my own purposes). Especially don’t write me an Open Letter, because it is the most twattish, irksome and downright untruthful mode of communication there is.
Yours insincerely,
Mike
To reply to these scribblings in a manner acceptable to the author, email [email protected] or tweet @mikpollitt
01 Apr 2011
TfL to be renamed Barclays London Transport
Transport for London is to be renamed Barclays London Transport Boris Johnson will announce later today.
As part of the £3 billion sponsorship deal the majority of London’s iconic red double deckers will be repainted Barclays blue.
A small number of red buses will be maintained on two special tourist routes through the West End.
London’s underground lines will also be renamed with the Northern Line called “The Golden Isa Line” and the Central Line renamed as the “Premier Life Account Line.”
Reports that Nelson’s Column will be renamed “Bob Diamond’s Column” were firmly dismissed by sources at City Hall.
In a separate development, The Mayor’s Fund for London is to be renamed “The Mayor’s Wonga for London” later this month.
Charities will be encouraged to apply for unlimited loans from City Hall at a typical APR of 58,638%.
A spokesperson for Barclays London Transport said today:
This landmark deal between the Mayor and the World’s Favourite Bank will enable us to complete the badly needed upgrades to London’s transport network and also to sell quality financial products at unbeatable rates.
Labour’s Mayoral candidate Ken Livingstone told reporters:
This is yet a further sign of the carnage that the Tory Mayor Boris Johnson is wreaking on London. Besides this was my idea first.
01 Apr 2011
London agenda for Friday 1 April
1. Watch the bonkers science fiction opera Piccard in Space [Le Cool]
2. Join some nonsense, music, theatre, cabaret and general mucking about at Tax Deductable [Run Riot]
3. Have a massive knees-up with burlesque, silent movies and DJs all night long at Electro Swing Speakeasy [Flavorpill]
4. Look behind the scenes of Angels, the world’s largest costumiers [Time Out]
5. Visit the Arts and Sciences City [Tired of London]
6. Walk through the centuries of London’s Docklands [Ian Visits]
Edit 11:19 to change updated Tired of London link
01 Apr 2011
Snipe Highlights
Some popular articles from past years
- 9 poems about London: one for each of your moods
- Margaret Thatcher statue rejected by public
- A unique collection of photos of Edwardian Londoners
- Punk brewery just as sexist and homophobic as the industry they rail against
- Number of people using Thames cable car plunges
- Only 16 commuters touch in to Emirates Air Line, figures reveal
- An interview with Desiree Akhavan
- Random Interview: Eileen Conn, co-ordinator of Peckham Vision
- Nice map of London's fruit trees shows you where to pick free food
- Nice Interactive timeline lets you follow Londoners' historic fight against racism
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