Tigris Timidity: Why we can’t have the films about Iraq we need

The Hollywood system has often come under fire from critics and viewers alike, owing to its persistence in continually churning out the lightest of entertainment and ever-more diluted movies about nothing much in particular, though easily marketable toward a sometimes desperate buying audience. Take for instance the recent best picture Academy award winner, The Hurt Locker. The six Oscars and albeit minor box office receipts for Kathryn Bigelow’s film could either demonstrate the film’s genuine power to evoke the pain of war in the viewer, or indeed its promotion of a skewed vision where as journalist and documentary-filmmaker, John Pilger, notes “the deaths of a million people are consigned to cinematic oblivion”.

Savage Love: The Prisoner

Where can a straight guy find a transsexual woman who is NOT a hooker and just wants to be friends (with benefits)? I know of one club where they hang, but they are mostly hookers there. I would like to go someplace where I could meet one and see if we could hit it off and go from there. I know they are out there, but I just can’t find them! Help a brother out! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
Lonely Tranny Lover

If what you’re looking for is a transsexual who’ll allow you to fuck her—or who’ll fuck you—but who won’t require you to have an actual relationship with her, LTL, then you’ll have to pay some nice woman for her time and her emotional distress, like all the other straight guys out there into MTFs. Why do they have to pay? Because, LTL, it’s kinda shredding to sexually service someone who’s embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Just ask any openly gay man dating a closet case and/or a Catholic priest, or any BBW sleeping with a man who’s married to a rail-thin trophy wife he isn’t physically attracted to. Someone who puts up with that kind of bullshit—“You blow me, I blow you off”—should be compensated for her time, pain, and suffering.

It’s nice that you’re willing to be friends with the transsexual you’re fucking, LTL—that puts you above most straight-identified men who are into trans women. But most trans women, hookers or not, want more than that. They want love, companionship, intimacy, and a commitment—you know, all that shit non-trans women want. Be open to an actual relationship, LTL, and you’ll have an easier time finding a non-pro who’s open to you.

I’m a 24-year-old straight female in a relationship. The sex is great, except for one thing: My boyfriend is so fucking quiet while we are having sex. No words, no moans, a stone-cold facial expression. I know he is enjoying himself because he always comes and he initiates sex as often as I do. However, his stoic demeanor makes it hard for me to really get into stuff that isn’t directly pleasurable for me. It’s hard to be motivated to choke on someone’s cock when they look and act like they can’t even feel anything.

I’ve mentioned this to him several times after sex, and he just laughs it off and then says something like, “Do you expect me to scream like a girl?” I’ve told him that that’s not at all what I expect. I just want some sign of life! One time, I purposely remained completely silent during an orgasm, like he does, and he became very self-conscious. He didn’t believe me when I told him I came, and I asked him how he likes it when I’m quiet. He thought this was funny, and then things went back to normal.

Why is he so quiet? What can I do?
We’re Not In The Library

Stop treating this like it’s a problem, WNITL, even if you experience it that way, and start treating it like a challenge and a game.

Give him a blowjob, choke on that cock, bring him right to the edge, then pull his cock out of your mouth and say, “Do you like that? Are you close? You want me to keep going?” Then look up at him and slowly stroke his cock—not fast enough to get him off, but not so slowly that you’ll have to start that blowjob all over again—and wait for his response. When he says something, his dick goes back in your mouth.

When he stops talking, his dick comes back out. Or if he’s fucking you and he’s getting close, wrap your legs around his ass and pull him in and hold him there so he can’t thrust. Then say, “Feel good? Getting close? Wanna finish?” Don’t let him budge until he talks; don’t let him continue if he stops talking.

Be playfully, sexily confrontational, WNITL, and you’ll be able to extract the feedback you want during sex while helping him get over his insecurities about how men are supposed to act during sex.

My boyfriend/fiancé likes to be put in a cage, and we have a very scary-looking cage in my closet. (God help me if my mother ever finds it—I’ll be in more trouble than that guy whose mother found his life-size sex doll!) His biggest turn-on is to come home on Friday night, go right into his cage, and for me to keep him there until Sunday morning. I only let him out if he needs to have a bowel movement or if I want to screw. (There’s a bottle of water in his cage if he gets thirsty and an empty bottle if he needs to pee, and he doesn’t get fed much because he’s not exactly burning calories in there.)

I’ve been reading your column since I was 19 (I’m 27 now), I’m GGG [‘good, giving, and game – ??ed ], and I’m happy to do this for my boyfriend. And knowing he’s in there waiting for me—and doing crunches to pass the time (you should see his abs!)—does make me horny, too. The issue: I won’t leave our apartment when he’s locked up. What if there’s a fire? Or we get burgled? Or if there’s a meteor strike? Or a terrorist attack? He says I’m being paranoid and that it really turns him on to know that I’m out with my girlfriends, having drinks or whatever, while he’s locked up in my closet “with the rest of my things.” Who’s in the right here???
My Boyfriend Is My Prisoner

P.S. Our only other conflict: He insisted we find a place with two closets, one of them walk-in, because he wants to be stored in my closet, not a shared closet, “with the rest of my things.” (That phrase really turns him on—he’s one of my things!) We passed on some beautiful apartments because the closets weren’t perfect, and my mom—who helped with the down payment and apartment-shopped with us—thought we were crazy. If only she knew!

You’re in the right, MBIMP. If there’s a fire or a robbery or meteor strike—or if you get hit by a car and wind up in a coma for three months and he slowly starves to death in your apartment—then you could go to jail for manslaughter and/or negligent homicide. So that fiancé thing of yours shouldn’t be left alone when he’s in his cage; no one should ever be left alone tied-up and/or imprisoned. If he insists on you going out on a cage weekend, MBIMP, then you’ll have to hire a sitter—bondage, not baby. Take out a personal ad, lay out what you need (someone to be there, in case something happens, but that’s all), and very, very carefully interview applicants. Better yet, get involved with your local BDSM group, make some kinky friends, and see if anyone is up for a little bondagesitting.

Or, hey, you can live a little dangerously: Give your boyfriend a cell phone, don’t go far, and instruct your prisoner to call if he smells smoke while he’s doing his crunches.

A PROGRAMMING NOTE: Lots of folks have asked me where my iPhone app is. Well, I didn’t have one—until now. The Savage Love iPhone app has been submitted to Apple. Will they accept it? Or will it be too porny for Steve Jobs? Stay tuned. In the meantime, you can still find a new Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at snipe.at/savage every Tuesday.

[email protected]

Airswimming and Daniel Deronda

In ancient times a woman’s uterus, if left unmoistened, might wander freely about her body poking curiously at her other organs. Left uncorrected it could climb up inside her chest and strangle her. Or a woman’s problems might stem from devils, or thinking too much. Reading. Wearing trousers. Science is tricky. Over the centuries, as male physicians got better at diagnosing “female troubles” like hysteria or… well, hysteria pretty much covered everything, it was decided women just needed to start having more sex with men. Otherwise, patients incarcerated in mental hospitals for durations as arbitrary as everything else might have their genitals massaged using high-powered water hoses until they attained Hysterical Paroxysm.

DIARY: Will Vaughan

Set the Controls to the Heart of Zone 5

Hello. My name’s Will Vaughan and I’m a conceptual artist. My latest piece spanned nearly three decades and saw me take on the role of an overweight white male Londoner, going to school, church and Cornwall, and gaining a 2:1 at a former Poly before playing in some 17000 bands of varying quality.

Before this, my work was primarily concerned with being adorable, soiling myself and “Go-ee Watch Cartoo’”.

This is my diary.

EFTERKLANG played last Wednesday, and it was one of those rare sets: a band having to work their true blooming hardest to turn something that could’ve been another Wednesday night in that meh venue in that meh postcode into something unique.

OHHHHH SHIIIIIIIT I’ve also been listening to YUCK all week. They’ve written the song of the year, they look like the only four members of their own vertebrate genus and they’re smashing.

I also ruined a workday staying up until Milkman o’ Clock watching the 1972 documentary We Was All One which features candid interviews with the people of Bermondsey. People such as ex-welterweight boxer Joe Rolfe, who reflects on living on a penny-packet of cocoa between meager tournament and dockyard paychecks.
A rich remnant from its own era, this is a story of a time which was then a distant memory, and now all but abstract history. Seeing and hearing about it in full colour and from those who were actually there is a pretty special experience.

Sunday saw me speeding into the end of the 20th Century with my first episode of The West Wing. It’s brill. Expect my predictions for the 2006 World Cup and at least one “Whassssuuuup” in the near future.

By Will Vaughn
aka Stairs To Korea – www.stairstokorea.com

Anaïs Mitchell is creating her own mythology

“There are only so many stories in the world,” says Anaïs Mitchell of Hadestown, her folk opera about Orpheus and Eurydice. “Artists tap into echoes that have been reverberating in the rabbit hole of human existence since before we can remember. We think we’re coming up with this shit from scratch, but it’s not true!”


Mitchell has indirectly written her own folk story within the tale she set out to tell, in which the creation of an ambitious project spawned a heartening yarn of community-tended grassroots. Cut off from the rest of the country by the weather and a lack of television, the Vermont street where the record took shape is one of allotments, chickens and mucking in with community projects.

Drum Eyes reinvents the Wall of Sound

Brighton-based collective Drum Eyes have been a long time in their convoluted making. Formed in 2007, even Osaka-born band mainstay Shige Ishihara has trouble keeping count of his band-mates. “We’ve changed members quite a few times,” he explains. “At the moment we have eight…”

The result is a monolithic live band, propelled forwards by the two drummers with their twin kits staring out from the front of the stage. Dark, jagged jazz is pushed through unravelling structures; pulsing krautrock tumbles with climactic improvisation. Keyboards and guitar coil around throbbing bass, underscored by celebratory, evolving rhythm. But while Ishigura wears the band’s krautrock influence on his sleeve, he wants Drum Eyes to stay free from pigeonholing. “I don’t like to be categorized,” he says. “I don’t want to make music for scenes. I’d like to make music as music.”

336 Hours

YEASAYER » 26 May 2010
KoKo | 1a Camden High Street NW1 7JE

Yeasayer’s “Odd Blood” was a welcome new year curveball of a record, bewitching bloggers and broadsheets alike. It has drawn comparison to Animal Collective’s “Merriweather Post Pavillion” in early 2010, in that it’s a breakthrough album for an indie band with a growing cult status, catching the popular imagination with it’s catchy tunes and sharp pop production that feels both classic and contemporary. The heightened attention culminates in Yeasayer’s biggest UK headline show to date at Camden’s palatial Koko on May 26th. Expect a celebratory atmosphere, a smattering of stage-side celebs, and a scramble for ticket returns on the steps of the venue. John Rogers

THE KISSAWAY TRAIL » 27 May 2010
Cargo | 83 Rivington Street EC2A 3AY

When Bella Union sign a new band, we sit up and take notice. Run by producer and former Cocteau Twin Simon Raymonde, this almost religiously revered indie label has brought us incredible music in recent years from overseas acts like Beach House, The Acorn, Peter Broderick and Fleet Foxes. Danish indie rockers The Kissaway Trail are one of the label’s latest acquisitions. Touching on the euphoric emotion of early Arcade Fire and the distinctly Scandinavian tunes of bands like The Notwist, they’ll be playing songs from their recently released second studio album “Sleep Mountain” at Cargo on May 27th as part of a whistle-stop European tour. John Rogers

STAG & DAGGER » 21 May 2010
Various Venues

Shoreditch will once again become a frantic melee this May 21st as five thousand gig goers take to the narrow streets in search of the hottest bands and the best parties at this year’s Stag And Dagger all-dayer. With no stage times released as yet it’s hard to pre-plan a route through the chaos, but the many highlights include fast rising Icelandic upstarts FM Belfast at The Hobby Horse, dreamy pop from White Hinterland at the Quietus-curated Macbeth pub, and a Wichita anniversary party at The Old Blue Last; there’s also a miasma of hypnotic sounds at Sonic Cathedral’s Legion event, a Line Of Best Fit party at The Spread Eagle and John + Jehn’s smouldering French indie-rock at CAMP. John Rogers

REAL ESTATE » Tuesday 18 May 2010
Cargo | 83 Rivington Street EC2A 3AY

It’s the perfect time to get involved with some lazy beach jams and surf-pop vibes as Summer starts to show its face in London. New Jersey’s Real Estate are hitting these shores as a result of tireless work from two of the most exciting emerging labels in recent times; Underwater Peoples and Woodsist have released them, as well as the fruits of their many side-projects, and built up various such collectives that now tour and write together. Support comes from Ganglians, who have a more psychedelic pop take on things, and Double Dagger’s punkier but no less joyous sound. Jonathan Fisher

ATP PRESENTS THE CLEAN » Wednesday 19 May 2010
ICA | The Mall SW1Y 5AH

I’ll be honest. Despite owning a copy of Darwin’s On The Origin Of Species, I’ve barely dipped into it in any depth. I love his ideas, but the book is too big and the writing is a bit old fashioned for my liking. One of my favourite parts is about how instead of looking into how giraffes came to have such long necks (dem leaves are high, stupid) he wrote about how their tails had developed into highly efficient fly-swatters. Genius. I’m also really into marsupials. I doubt they could have survived and thrived to such an extent anywhere else but in but Australasia, right? What with there being no bit nasty predators to eat them. Same goes for those weird little kiwi birds. Craig Nunn

TRANSPARENT PRESENTS ACTIVE CHILD » Saturday 22 May 2010
The Hobby Horse | 281 Kingsland Road
This show has moved to CAMP, 70-74 City Road, Old Street, London, EC1Y 2BJ

It seems the London-based duo behind the Transparent Blog and 7” Singles Label can do no wrong at the moment. Whether it be breaking Summer Camp from a diddly MySpace experiment to an overnight blog phenomenon or releasing 7” singles by next-big-things Yuck, Washed Out or Perfume Genius – these guys certainly know their onions. Which is exactly why we urge you to head down to the Transparent night at The Hobby Horse, Hackney Camp, Shoreditch on 22 May. Pat Grossi aka Active Child will bring his chilling lo-fi gospel to the UK for the first time, plus current blog sensation Kisses are behind the decks. Rich Thane

Get Your Kick at Route 36, Bolivia's first fast-serve cocaine bar

“Take it out of the bag”, one of them whispers, as a small mountain of Bolivian marching powder unfolds from the wrap. Forming peaks where it piles on the surface, the small patch of black bin liner is emptied into the soft light of the room. They lean in; throats dry with a fiendish desire, pushing pure uncut white to and fro with an out-of-date health insurance card from some place far, far behind them now. Racked up with two fat lines sat side-by-side along the blackened edges of a bootlegged copy of Appetite For Destruction, some stranger nearby leans in and assuredly urges: “Don’t use the straw, use this”, as he carefully hands over a softened and tightly rolled 10 Boliviano note. The newcomers eye their bounty, savour a last intake breath as they lurch down, and begin judiciously disappearing it up their snouts, chattering and grunting between disjointed monologues that they might later call conversation.

Study shows that shared experiences makes us happy, so what is your problem?

Well that was fun, wasn’t it? The last 10 years I mean. As decades go it was pretty… well, decadent. It’s almost as if we’ve spent the time getting pissed on someone else’s tab at an exclusive West End club—somewhere full of smart shoes, unironic blazers and slightly wrinkling cougars decked in pearls. But now the faces have turned to us expectantly, and Clegg and Cameron are muttering darkly about it being our round. Which I suppose it is. To make things worse, some twat has only gone and ordered some 2012 Olympics at £9bn a bottle, although the occasion clearly calls for a few mineral waters and a bag of Nobby’s Nuts.

Random Interview: Darth Vader, South Bank

It’s a bright and fresh spring morning on the South Bank. Above the murky waters of the Thames a group of people are smearing face paint across their cheeks and setting up their performing stations for the day. A silver wizard readjusts his staff, a golden king is pulling up his britches, “the most pierced lady in the world” is laying out her rug and a man who is about to spend the day dressed up as the ultimate dark lord, Darth Vader, is surveying the sky.


Darth: It gets very hot in my costume, I am thinking of changing it to fabric of some kind instead of this leather. I only started last October so I haven’t been through a summer yet. I love Star Wars like most men my age. He is the biggest villain. People may like or hate him but everybody knows him.