No Sex Please, We're Chelsea: Little Black Gallery gets raided for its front-window display

One would think with all the crime in London the police would have enough serious malefactors to keep them busy twenty-four seven but it seems not. Apparently, there is plenty time and resources for them to speed to the scene of what many of us might consider less than urgent transgressions. Only recently Chelsea’s The Little Black Gallery got a visit from The Met after complaints about sexual images in the window from their retrospective of Irish photographer Bob Carlos Clarke. Inspector Sean Flynn raced over to have a look – it was his duty! A witness said he didn’t even finish his sandwich so eager was he to fulfil his obligations as a public servant.

CURVEBALL: The art of no conversation

“Get to know each other!” said my friend as she nipped out for a cigarette, leaving me with a new arrival. How hard could it be? We swapped job titles. “That sounds interesting”, we lied. Commute talk, the glue that holds together so much London chit chat (See The Scoop, page 4 – ed), swiftly dried up. We had nothing in common, not even tube lines. There followed a pregnant pause. He praised the lager; I commended the ale. The pause had miscarried. A silence fell upon us—the silence of the damned.

RANDOM INTERVIEW: Mike and Ruth Cooper: Harley Davidson Motorbike Couple, Loves Truck Stop, The Middle of Nowhere, Wyoming, USA

Highway 80 cuts straight through Wyoming into a seemingly endless landscape of dusty red dirt hills, rocky outcrops, broken billboards, dry grasses and sagging telephone wires. Two hours from Denver, the only respite for hungry truckers and people who want to go to the toilet without being bitten in the nether regions by a rattlesnake is Loves Truck Stop. It was there in the car park, in the beginnings of a sand storm, that I met Ruth and Mike Cooper.

Snipe: How far are you traveling and why?

Mike: We are traveling from Kansas, Missouri to Vancouver, Washington. It’s a four week trip. We’re going to visit our first grandniece..

Ruth: … to get acquainted with her. I have this rocking chair strapped on here, it belonged to my mother and her mother and now I am passing it down.

S: Does Mike always drive?

R: Yes, I like it that way .

M: Years ago she wouldn’t ride with me. She was afraid.

R: When the children were grown, I thought, Why not?

S: Have you been in any hair-raising situations while riding?

M: Three years ago we were going round a blind curve in Tennessee, with a river on one side and a mountain on the other and a truck came ‘round the corner completely on our side of the road. There was a small opening between him and the river and we crossed right in front of him. We were four or five inches away from a wipe out.

A dust cloud blows through. We head into a gift shop full of truckers, crystal dolphin trinkets and huge jars of beef jerky.

S: Are you a member of a group of some sort?

R: The Christian Motorcycle Association

S: It seems like you are exactly the same height…

M: Yep, more or less.

S: Were you looking for someone the same height?

M: No, not really, it’s just a coincidence. We met 39 years ago in Kansas City. We actually met in a car accident, and got married six and a half months later. She crashed into the back of my car on the Interstate.

S: How did you turn a car accident into a date?

M: I called her that night and these are my exact words “I know this is highly unusual, but can I take you out on Friday night?”

R: And I said yes. Then I got in real big trouble. My parents were not happy. They said “he might be an ex-convict or an escapee or married with four or five kids.” So we did not go out on Friday night. He got to the door and I said, “is it okay if we stay in instead?”

S: So you had to impress her parents?

M: Yep, but I took her out that Saturday night instead. We crashed on the previous Wednesday.

S: So you must have made a good impression… any tips for people wanting to impress parents?

M: Just be really polite and honest. It goes a long ways.

News is what we say it is

How the News of the World avoids prosecution under the Trade Descriptions Act is one of life’s little mysteries. The venerable tabloid stakes its reputation almost entirely on elaborate entrapment schemes designed to catch gullible semi-public figures with their trousers down (often literally). Take its recent “cash for royal access” snare set for Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson. Fergie was baited and snared with $40K by professional ghoul Mahzer Mahmood. She’s caught on camera accepting a pile of cash in exchange for arranging a “friendship” between Prince Andrew and whoever the hell Mahmood is pretending to be. It is quite easy to get sucked into its shrieking denunciation of the “greedy” and “devious” Duchess. Pause, for a moment, step back, and consider two questions: Is it news? And: Does it matter?

THE SCOOP: Route Plastered, Bus passengers pay more than their share for transit

Since the Mayoralty was set up, bus subsidies have soared by many hundreds of percent and billions have been poured into new lines, routes and schemes.
Most of this has been paid for by central government. But with the new coalition already cutting back, there are signs that these days of satisfaction may soon be coming to an end.

336 Hours

JONQUIL » 1 June 2010
Borderline | 16 Manette Street W1D 6JB
Hailing from the dreaming spires of Oxford, Jonquil are a calypso pop band following in the vein of afro beaters Vampire Weekend and fellow Oxfordians, Foals. Having recently toured with the latter, it looks more than likely that this could be their time. Set highlights will undoubtedly be swing groove shanty ‘Fighting Smiles’ and post-Fleetwood Mac jangle hit in the making ‘Get Up.’ Jonquil are already rubbing shoulders with stars and it’s only a matter of time before they make their own grand ascension so catch them while you can. Support comes from elegiac piano rockers A Silent Film. Sebastian Reynolds

THEE OH SEES » 5 June 2010
Luminaire | 311 Kilburn High Road NW6 7JR
Last time I saw John Dwyer’s Thee Oh Sees, I watched a crowdsurfer smash their jaw on a cymbal and Dwyer punch a reveller in the face. This was in a record store in Austin, and was pretty tame by the San Francisco godfather of noise’s standards. It’s fair to say that you’re not guaranteed safety at any Dwyer show and nor would you want to be. The fuzz-rawk mixed with psychedelic undertones make for a chaotic mixture, and Thee Oh Sees are one band that doesn’t hold back when it comes to blood, sweat and tears. Gareth Main

XIU XIU » 6 June 2010
Plan B | 418 Brixton Road SW9 7AY
I know what you’re thinking: with the sky blue and the air warm, you’re gonna be kicking back in the park these coming weeks, ushering in summer in an arcadian daze, sipping cider on ice and making out with your current squeeze. But I have a second option. Come hang out in a dark room in Brixton and listen to Jamie Stewart howling wildly about loathing, death, violence, misogyny and HIV. There won’t be any ice cream stands or girls in shorts, but then there also won’t be any camel-toes or smelly men in bermuda shorts and wrap-arounds either. John Rogers

THE TALLEST MAN ON EARTH » 9 June 2010
Tabernacle | 34 – 35 Powis Square W11 2AY
The Tallest Man On Earth probably isn’t actually the tallest man on earth. Indeed, having seen him on stage I can safely say he’s around two feet shorter than your average Peter Crouch. However, were his stage name to be ‘The Most Eloquent Heart On Earth,’ he might have a claim. For Kristian Matsson’s music is earnest without being cloying, his direct sentimentality weakening the knees with every fingerpick. The Pitchfork reviews of his last two albums mention Bob Dylan within the first seven words. If that isn’t a compliment, I’m not sure what is. Jonathan Fisher

AU REVOIR SIMONE » 10 June 2010
Scala | 275 – 277 Pentonville Road N1 9NL
“I’ll fuckin’… I’ll fuckin’ sew your ass-hole closed, and keep feeding you, and feeding you,” reckons Method Man in a sweary interlude on Wu-Tang Clan’s classy debut album. Dude? You’re going to have to sew an actual bum shut, which if you’re hygiene-conscious means shaving and washing the area thoroughly first. Then there’s the food. Unless you’re torturing at your mum’s house, there’s probably not much in the cupboards, meaning you’re going to have to go to Tesco and buy some. Much less perplexing is Meth’s line “We form like Voltron,” which is what Au Revoir Simone do too, with brilliantly dreamy results. Mike Williams

LOVE IS ALL/MUNCH MUNCH » 11 June 2010
CAMP | 70 – 74 City Road EC1Y 2BJ
One imagines that if The Human Centipede (Google at your own risk…) were to find itself a couple of keyboards and some drumsticks and were to feed a steady overdose of E numbers along its length, the resulting clatter might sound like the noise Munch Munch have been making for the last couple of years. These were probably the kids sent out of their music GCSE lessons for going off-piste with their compositions, ignoring verse-chorus-verse for fun-fun-fun. If you were going to this show for the sugary confections of Swedish indie-rock headliners Love Is All, please turn up early—you wont be disappointed. Jonathan Fisher

ARIEL PINK’S HAUNTED GRAFFITI » 15 June 2010
Scala | 275-277 Pentonville Road N1 9NL
L.A. psych-pop king Ariel Pink lands back in the UK like a multi-coloured ink splash this June to play out some songs from his latest record Round & Round. With his band Haunted Graffiti in tow, he’s in turn bemusing, arch, annoying, intense, hypnotic. Basically a writhing, sweating oddball, screaming desperately into the mic sporting a pink jumpsuit. A throwback to a time that never took place, the sun-damaged-mix-tape sound of his recorded output is somehow even more disorientating live. Little is for sure with Ariel Pink, other than you’ll have an opinion on his alt-retro weirdness, be it love or hate. John Rogers

It adds up for Caribou: A mathematician who inhabits two different Londons

Famously academic, Daniel Snaith makes an engaging interviewee. He was born in Canada to English émigré parents, trading London, Ontario for London, England ten years ago to undertake a mathematics PhD. A decade later, he’s not trading in his passport any time soon. “I’m definitely Canadian – my parents were English and emigrated to Canada. I’m not very much of a nationalist of anything I definitely like the sense that I’m living somewhere that doesn’t feel like home. London is more of a home than anywhere apart from Canada.”

Buke & Gass: Sharing their strangeness brings them together

When the echoes of old bands flow through most modern music like blood through a vein, it’s a real rarity to hear a group so weirdly unique that drawing comparisons becomes almost impossible. Brooklyn duo Buke & Gass are one of those bands. Their name has been mentioned in the same sentence as bastardised Appalachian folk music, Montreal’s the Dirty Projectors, Led Zeppelin and PJ Harvey. snipe gets hints of a bluesy Deerhoof with a tart Marnie Stern-a-like vocal, but even that’s a reductive take on their unconventional sound.

“I don’t really think about what other bands we sound like,” says Aron Sanchez, the male half of the band, who builds instruments for the Blue Man Group as his day job. “I think the weirdness of our instrumentation reflects that it’s just that—we’re not trying to sound like The Melvins or whoever. Because of our limitations, we can’t really do that…”

“So what’s the point in trying?!” giggles Arone Dyer, a former luthier and velodrome racer and current bike mechanic, bringing up the lady side of proceedings.
Buke and Gass came to fruition about two and a half years ago, when the pair got back in touch after a period of not talking, self-releasing an EP, ‘+/-’, in 2008. Although it’s hard to draw a direct sonic parallel, they’ve been likened to the magnificent Captain Beefheart, a more apt comparison that works based on their shared individual strangeness. Much as every band might strive to coin their own sound, it’s only the David Byrnes and Konono No. 1s of this world who go about it by inventing their own instruments – out of both experimentation and necessity. “Buke” and “gass” (rhymes with “bass”) are also the names of Aron and Arone’s self-built instruments.

“I play the gass,” explains Aron, “which is a hybrid between a bass and a guitar. Then live, I have a bass drum, which also has snare and tambourine on it. My left foot’s switching pedals around.”

“A buke was a kind of baritone ukulele,” adds Arone. “But now it’s more of a miniature guitar. I needed something smaller because I was having wrist problems. When we’re performing, I also have bells and a toebourine on my left ankle, on my right foot I’m controlling a pedal, then I’m singing to boot.”

Seeing Buke & Gass live is like witnessing the world’s most elaborate display of two people who can definitely pat their heads and rub their bellies simultaneously. Being hooked up to all their instruments means that they have to sit throughout the show, and coupled with the fact that they named the band after these cannibalised contraptions, this encapsulates how their self-imposed limitations control their sound, both informing and holding it back.

“We chose instruments that were kind of a challenge,” says Aron. “But ones that can also make a lot of different noises. We’re really into form follows function, and the challenges that the limitations bring are what creates our music.”

After catching the eyes of Aaron and Bryce Dessner of The National, the twins signed Dyer and Sanchez to their label, Brassland, who will be releasing B&G’s debut album—a “more upbeat, dancier” affair—sometime later this year. Full disclosure: it was an email from Aaron that brought them to Snipe’s attention. After a two day press junket promoting ‘High Violet’, he personally emailed some of the journalists he’d met to see if they’d check out the support act for their two sold out UK dates—quite the accolade. Based on what we heard on those two dates, when the record eventually makes its way onto shelves, Buke & Gass will be hearing a whole lot more praise.

DIARY: Anthony Chalmers

GOD DON’T LIKE IT

So, I’ve been asked by Snipe to knock together a diary-type account of previous escapades and stuff to come. I’d no idea exactly what I’d talk about, but in the first issue they covered one of my favorite bands Drum Eyes so it has to be onto something.…

As far as gigs have gone in the last few weeks, I’ve been to quite a few, but the performances that have stood out the most for me were Nedry & Devil Man at The Lexington. They both have new ways of looking at dub-related sounds—really recommend both bands. I also saw Wildbirds & Peacedrums play with a choir recently, just brilliant, with the most enthusiastic crowd ever. They really are one of the best live bands around.

Under the banner of Moonshine Jamboree, I’ve been running gigs on a lovely boat in Vauxhall called The Tamesis Dock. I thought “who wouldn’t want to see bands on a boat moored in the Thames”? We had Tristram, Thee Single Spy and Jamie N Commons come down to play the last one. Just such a nice gig. Tristram has a new EP coming soon and same with a Single Spy single, so make sure you check out both.

On to things coming up… the period when you’re reading this, we’re super busy with good stuff.

On June 2nd the new Wilkommen Collective group The Climbers have their debut show on the said boat. It’s their album launch, and the band features members of The Leisure Society, Sons of Noel & Adrian and many others. Then on June 3rd there’s more Wilkommen-related fun with The Miserable Rich in St. Giles Church. On June 6th we have Edinburgh’s finest Meursault playing another album launch at the Old Queens Head in Angel, with four other Scottish bands traveling down to support them, including the amazing Eagleowl —and it’s free!

Finally, End of the Road festival is my favourite festival in the country hands down, and they’re putting on The Unthanks & David Thomas Broughton at Union Chapel on June 1st. I can’t wait—DTB in London’s best venue could be one of my shows of the year.

Well, I think that’s more words than I was supposed to do… enjoy a couple of weeks of great shows.

www.goddontlikeit.com

Strings Attached: The Birdman, Monkey Biz, and Happy Everyday!

Entering the Puppet Barge, currently moored at Little Venice, is like descending into a gypsy’s submarine. Deep, African red walls of ribbed and riveted metal are hung with dozens of traditional marionettes from around the world. As the lights fill the tiny stage the barge seems to double in size, like Dr. Who’s box as decorated by Terry Gilliam.