Austerity Isn't Working

The rapscallions at UK Uncut took over an empty billboard in Brockley to update Maggie’s old election ad.

Also – remember the Squirrel Nut Zippers?

This issue's 'Best of Londonist' in Snipe-in-print

Photo by M@ Brown, knitted Boris and Ken by Heather Brown

In each edition of the printed Snipe (found in only the finest venues in London) the editors of Londonist feature some of their best, most obsessive stories stories of the Metropolis.

This issue:
New Bus For London Based On Alien Technology? by M@ Brown

How To Say There’s A Poo On Platform 4 In Polite Company by M@ Brown

Olympic Closing Ceremony: Best of British by M@ Brown

Mayoral Election: Personalities, A Punch And Judy Show by Jonn Elledge

Could London get a Rotating Tower? by Franco Milazzo

Sleep Party People - Chin

Staggeringly good Danish dream-pop band Sleep Party People have unveiled the first single from their forthcoming record “We Were Drifting On A Sad Song”. “Chin” is a narcoleptic pop song with enticing synth layers and a deep underwater feel to the production.

There’s more info on the record and a pre-order button (£8!) here. They play at White Heat on April 17th.

London agenda for Monday 19 March

1. View a series of original works by some of Britain’s most influential artists at Somerset House, commissioned by the homeless charity Crisis [Le Cool]

2. Watch an ensemble of ten incredible performers, set to a haunting score, at Random Dance: Far [Run Riot]

3. Resent the underfunding of poetry at the Forward Arts Foundation poetry prizes [Flavorpill]

4. See Spiritualised at the Hackney Empire [Don’t Panic]

5. Find a hospital of London, Bethlem [Ian Visits]

6. See Alexander’s Jubilee Oracle [Tired of London]

Boris Johnson is losing on policy but winning on mud slinging

Boris Johnson has already lost the election on policy. He’s now trying to win it on bashing Ken Livingstone.

Talk to Boris’s supporters privately and they will tell you that his campaign has been lacklustre, his policy pledges half-arsed, and his record in office meagre.

Ken’s policy of cutting fares is popular they admit, and Boris’s policy of giving you £3 back in council tax is not so popular.

Ken is talking about fares, rent, and childcare, and Boris is talking about airports, bus design and street trees.

But none of that matters they say, because Labour have picked Ken Livingstone and there’s simply no way that he can win.

The “tax avoidance” story is in reality a “policy avoidance” story. Focus the election on anything apart from Boris’s policies versus Ken’s.

In pursuit of this strategy, no story is too small and no line of attack is too petty in which to throw at Ken.

Look Ken has made an outrageous comment about X. Look he’s photoshopped a picture of a bus. Look he’s made a typo on an election leaflet in Sutton.

Will any of this work? Quite possibly.

Voters don’t care about most of the attack lines on Ken, but the strategy is less about damaging Ken than it is about distracting him from his campaign.

In a close personality-based election, these distractions can make all the difference, and Boris’s supporters are still hoping that he can pull off the walkover they have so long predicted.

This still looks unlikely.

The polling shows that Ken’s campaign is most in touch with what Londoners care about and Boris is still nowhere near as popular with voters, as he is with his friends in the media.

The only way Boris can win is if he manages to bog Ken and his supporters down in a muddy pit of accusations, counter-accusations and party infighting.

With the state of the Labour party at the moment this strategy may well prove to be successful.

But if they can manage instead to drag the debate back onto policies, then they still have every chance of winning on May 3rd.

Annoying habits of Londoners #5: Moaning about the sex after a one night stand

Having a one night stand and complaining about the sex is like ordering a Big Mac and complaining about the calories. Like the sex itself, it rather misses the point.

And yet it’s a complaint you often hear, in the coffee shops and pubs where singles and their envious partnered friends gather at the weekend to analyse the adventures of the night before.

“It was too quick, it was too slow. It was too active, it wasn’t active enough. They were too hairy, they were too sweaty. Their genitals were in some respect just not quite ideal.”

Stop all this, now. It just won’t do.

People don’t have one night stands for the orgasms. They have them to feel attractive, to improve their self-esteem, and to avoid having to get three nightbuses home. Sex, in the end, is the last thing the sex is about.

I generalise here of course, but it’s the internet. You can’t stop me.

In summary, have all the one night stands you want, singletons. Just don’t moan about them afterwards. If it’s good sex you want, you’re looking in the wrong place.

See also:

Annoying habits #4 – Dancing along to your own headphones
Annoying habits #3 – Holding the door open
Annoying habits #2 – Being annoyed when strangers gawp at you
Annoying habits #1 – Applauding at the cinema

Follow Mike
Twitter: @MikPollitt
Email: michael.pollitt@snipelondon.com

Xiu Xiu @ Rich Mix

Recently expanding to a five piece band, signing to Bella Union and celebrating ten years as a recording artist, Jamie Stewart’s brainchild Xiu Xiu hits Rich Mix on March 16 for what promises to be a challenging but enjoyable performance. The band are heralded for their avant-garde, experimental sound-art which couples terse vocals with rocky emotions – his work is often marred with controversy and undeniable grimness of subject – but the new album Always dabbles in hitherto uncharted waters, using choral music and animal field recordings to transform it into something surprisingly tender and light as much as it is vocally and instrumentally violent.

St Patrick's Day options: Booze + either rugby or Irish dancing

Kent Brockman describes St Patrick’s Day, which is tomorrow! Many of you will mark it by getting drunk and disgracing yourself in front of the rugby. If that’s sounds bit too Irish for you, The Roundhouse in Camden has an afternoon of traditional Celtic music, basket weaving, and blarney stone painting. Details here. Then there’s more stuff on there in the evening. Booze optional, remember.

Watch an HD stream of Fulham's nesting Peregrine falcons

An HD stream of the Peregrine falcon nest at Charing Cross Hospital is here. At the time of writing, it shows one freshly laid egg.

London agenda for Friday 16 March

1. Listen to some ‘sweaty sincerity at the Macbeth’ from Dizraeli and the Small Gods [Le Cool]

2. Go to a club night where the club has been turned into an international airport, complete with the interior of a 747 airplane and its sunburned cabin crew and suave pilot, at Bearded Kitten: Around the World [Run Riot]

3. View ‘The Last Paintings’ of Joan Mitchell at Hauser & Wirth [Flavorpill]

4. Visit Rex the Dog at the Dalston Superstore [Don’t Panic]

5. Give a little love to Bugsy Malone at the Troxy [Time Out]

6. Join artists at London Transport Museum who will share how mobile and social networking tools can transform a city into an interactive playground Snipe has no idea what that means. [Ian Visits]

7. See the British Museum in twilight [Tired of London]