The Metropolis

Wrong Again: Beauty tips for the morning after

Amil Niazi | Friday 3 December, 2010 15:04

I don’t have a lot of time to rap to you this week because I’m trying to make a quick and quiet getaway as we speak. But since we’re on the subject let’s talk.

Okay, wheeops, you drank too many white Russians or whatever last night and bing bong! You’re in a strange room and you’re late for work. Get it together. Let’s go.

First the basics.

1. Don’t sleep over. That eliminates all of the guerilla grooming and the early morning panic. But if you do …
2. Do not leave anything behind. Ooof this one is very important. Stop playing games. You want to go on an endless Facebook quest tomorrow so you can get your cheap earrings back or do you want to relax in bed with an Nurofen smoothie and internet? Thought so. Conduct a Predator-style scan of the premises before you leave. Always. Ladies, check your shit. Anything you forgot is now sacrificial debris.
3. No Teddy Pendergrass? No cognac? Then it’s not making love. And that’s okay. That was what it was people, relax, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re alive! You’re young!

Okay awesome. Now the practicals.

Amil’s D.I.Y. beauty tips:

• What CAN’T a moist towelette do?
• Hats are the new hair.
• Did you know you can wear lipstick on your mouth and cheeks AND eyes? I don’t know if that’s true but you can try.
• What if you turn that shirt inside out? Does it look less slutty now? Very good!
• Cigarettes hide lots of smells.
• Always wear a coat!

Whatever. BYE!

---