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Five grammatical rules technology is destroying

Mike Pollitt | Wednesday 19 January, 2011 10:32

This very clever post about emotions the internet has invented got Snipe thinking about other impacts the dread march of technological innovation is having on our lives. One notable example: language. Here are five grammatical or syntactical rules which could well be dead and forgotten within the next 20-50 years. We’re not condoning this evanescence, reader, oh no. We’re just saying.

Which/that
Be honest, do you know when to use which and when to use that? Restrictive clauses, that’s the key (see point 2 here). Let us read, digest, and ask whether we think the teenagers of today are going to be arsed to keep this one going. Thought not.

Speechmarks
Joyce didn’t need them, preferring to introduce speech with a hypen. You have to wonder whether his wasn’t the more efficient system after all. Of course, there’s always the chance that they might be saved in order to be used “ironically”, but the internet will have killed off sincerity by 2100 so even that won’t be enough to save them in the end.

Apostrophes of Omission
This one is obvious enough, dont you think? Snipe cant see why omitting omissive apostrophes would cause undue confusion. If youre wont to be picky about wont then fair enough, but no one uses it so youll just make yourself look silly. Possessive apostrophes are a little different, since the middle class couldnt do without them as a way of demeaning those less educated than themselves. So theyll probably survive.

Capitalised initials
Again, ask yourself whether future generations will be arsed. Our prediction: will they fuck.

Paragraphs
The ancients didn’t need paragraphs. Do we? They don’t exist in texts or tweets, and since those are likely to become the dominant modes of non-verbal discourse, what need have we of them? The disappearance of sentences may take a little longer, but we wouldn’t be surprised to see them merging into continuous streams of prose by 2250.

Any more for any more? Have a pop at us in the comments if you don’t like what you see…

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