Dead fish in London's river Lea caused by pollution after a storm

Artists impression of a fatberg on the 4th plinth

London home owners, private renters and social renters 1961-2011

Lilo Evans and Tristan Stocks in the Mikado

Chart showing how Londoners get to work across inner and outer London

Chart showing how Londoners get to work by mode, 2011 data

Chart showing how the way Londoners get to work is changing over time

Map of empty homes or second homes in London

London borough population changes 2011-2012

Map of red kite sightings in London, May 2014

Artists impression of the "Teardrop", as seen from Ridley Rd, Dalston

Poster against Chatsworth Rd market in London

Tim Cresswell's poetry collection Soil, published by Penned in the Margins

Adele gets her tax cut, but don't expect the musicians to stop moaning yet

“The tax man’s taken all my dough” lamented Ray Davies in the Kinks’ Sunny Afternoon. That was 1966, but, says Mike Bonnet, the 2012 budget has finally answered the question: “Won’t anyone think of the multimillionaire musicians?”

27 Mar 2012

London is home to some of the fastest walkers in the world. But we need to get faster

In 1989, researchers found that Londoners walk fast. Morning commuters were clocked at an average speed of 1.68 metres per second.

For context, world record pace for the 10,000m walk is 4.4 metres per second.

A further study in 1999 placed us fourth on the list of fast walking cities, behind only Dublin, Amsterdam and Zurich.

This is something to be proud of. There’s nothing worse than being stuck behind a slovenly ambler when you’re desperately trying to forge ahead with your busy busy urban life.

And it’s something we can all help with, as a matter of civic responsibility. I suggest to all readers that you download a speedometer app and monitor your own pace as you go about your daily lives.

If you’re consistently below 1.68 m/s, I’m afraid you’re letting the side down. You should buck your ideas up, get your head down, and feel those calf muscles burn.

Or expect to be shouted at to get out of the bleedin’ way. The choice is yours.

The Atlantic Cities – Why People in Cities Walk Fast

23 Mar 2012

The real winner of the Mayoral poll: "I don't know"

Adam’s already picked the bones of the Ipsos Mori Mayoral election poll (PDF).

I have one thing to add.

Always remember this about the Mayoral election: Most people aren’t really listening and they don’t really care. Hence the following emphatic triumph for “I don’t have the faintest idea”.

Who has the best ideas on Transport?

Johnson 36%
Livingstone 31%
Paddick 1%
Jones 1%
Don’t Know 29%

Who has the best ideas on Crime?

Johnson 26%
Livingstone 22%
Paddick 8%
Jones 1%
Don’t Know 39%

Who has the best ideas on Environment?

Johnson 23%
Livingstone 20%
Paddick 2%
Jones 7%
Don’t Know 42%

Who has the best ideas on Creating Jobs?

Johnson 27%
Livingstone 27%
Paddick 1%
Jones 1%
Don’t Know 40%

Who has the best ideas on Housing?

Johnson 18%
Livingstone 28%
Paddick 1%
Jones 1%
Don’t Know 47%

What’s interesting is that when asked to choose which of the two main candidates they like the most, or would do best in a given situation, the number of don’t knows shrinks. So people have firm opinions on the candidates but not on the policies.

Which means this election is going to be fought and won on personalities, not issues. But then we knew that already, didn’t we?

20 Mar 2012

Annoying habits of Londoners #5: Moaning about the sex after a one night stand

Having a one night stand and complaining about the sex is like ordering a Big Mac and complaining about the calories. Like the sex itself, it rather misses the point.

And yet it’s a complaint you often hear, in the coffee shops and pubs where singles and their envious partnered friends gather at the weekend to analyse the adventures of the night before.

“It was too quick, it was too slow. It was too active, it wasn’t active enough. They were too hairy, they were too sweaty. Their genitals were in some respect just not quite ideal.”

Stop all this, now. It just won’t do.

People don’t have one night stands for the orgasms. They have them to feel attractive, to improve their self-esteem, and to avoid having to get three nightbuses home. Sex, in the end, is the last thing the sex is about.

I generalise here of course, but it’s the internet. You can’t stop me.

In summary, have all the one night stands you want, singletons. Just don’t moan about them afterwards. If it’s good sex you want, you’re looking in the wrong place.

London is getting sadder, says reputable study

It’s almost as sad as it used to be. Cheer up guys!

Source (PDF) GLA Intelligence Unit: Taking Park Survey

These 1930s kids got cycling safety right. Why can't we?

MODEL TRAFFIC AREA NO. 1

It’s Tottenham, it’s 1938, it’s the model traffic area!

The video is irksomely unembeddable but click on the pic above and you’ll be watching it in no time. Especially good is a rousing political speech beginning with the immortal words “The kiddies of today…”

British Pathe – Model Traffic Area No 1

14 Mar 2012

Hipster-friendly ale festival in Hackney this weekend

It’s at the Sebright Arms off Hackney Road, a pub whose trend credentials (dare I say cretrendtials?) encompass ale from London microbreweries, burgers from trendy grillers Lucky Chip, and a location in the shadow of some industrial gas holders. So if you’re the sort of person who wants to be the sort of person who goes to that sort of place, check it out.

Details at their website.

09 Mar 2012

The men on the tube playing Football Manager on their iPhones are a lost generation

_{The modern man’s challenge: Can you save Kidderminster AND pay the council tax on time?}

I was sandwiched between two men this morning. On the tube I mean. Both whipped out an iPhone, loaded up Football Manager, and proceeded to negotiate a couple of tricky away fixtures.

One man, in his mid-to-late 20s, guided Stevenage to a 0-0 draw away at Bristol Rovers in a pre-season friendly. He got off before I could ascertain further details.

The other man, in his mid-to-late 20s, guided Liverpool to a good 2-0 win away in Europe at FC Kobenhavn. The year was 2017, his Liverpool team contained such names as Gareth Bale and Luka Modric. Andy Carroll, forlornly, warmed the bench.

Neither manager noticed the other. Both were lost in their own games. I’ll go further. Both were lost in their own lives. There is no hope for either now. They are doomed.

I know of what I speak. A decade ago, I spent the first half of a long summer holiday taking Northampton Town to the Premiership. I spent the second half of the holiday conquering Europe with them.

I was fifteen years old. For perhaps the last time in my life, I had the the best part of two months unbroken leisure stretched ahead of me.

I could have learnt a language in that time. Or a musical instrument. I could have read novels or written a play. I could have had sex, for goodness sake.

Instead I spent it moving pixels around on a computer. When it was over I had nothing to show for it except a banging headache, an aversion to sunlight and recurring dreams about the 2034 UEFA Cup Final.

Sometime between university and getting a job, I kicked the habit. Most addicts I know did the same. There simply wasn’t the time. Life moved on. I got some friends, learnt how to cook, earned some money, started to stand on my own two feet. I put my past behind me. I, and thousands of men like me, re-entered civilised society.

And now this. An app on your phone allowing you to regress 10 years in a single commute. Having gone cold turkey once, these men stand no chance of doing so again. What made them stop the first time – lack of time, lack of computer power – can’t stop them any more. They are condemned to play on, forever, without hope of repreive.

If you know someone who might succumb to this temptation, stop them. If you know someone who already has, wish them well. They are beyond your power now.

Image: Promotional screenshot for Football Manager 2012

08 Mar 2012

New venue alert: The Waiting Room in Stoke Newington

From the press release:

“The Three Crowns and The Waiting Room have been taken over by 586 Ltd, the team behind the Lock Tavern and the Shacklewell Arms, heralding a new era for the 120 capacity basement venue formerly known as The Drop. They will be making use of the 4am weekend licence to introduce an exciting programme of events and gigs each week.”

And for you decor snobs:

“…with aesthetic modifications to include walls clad in scaffolding slates, and full-wall visual projections. And there’s no cause for concern to aficionados of the venue, as the vintage tiling will be left just as it is.”

Here’s the Facebook page.

08 Mar 2012

Who is doing negative campaigning better, Ken Livingstone or Boris Johnson?

This campaign will end up as clean and positive as a Haye/Chisora boxing brawl. Both major candidates are going negative with some of their material, because it works and they want to win. But judging by their latest offerings, who is doing it best?

Boris Johnson’s latest negative campaigning

Here’s a poster from NotKenAgain, the evil twin website of the sickeningly positive BackBoris2012.

From a list of six things which Ken “wants” to bring back, four are nebulous references to long-forgotten political scuffles. If you’re a nerd you can no doubt reel off the specific charges that “cronies, broken promises, scandals and waste” refer to. For the voter on the Clapham Omnibus, these are words without context and so without meaning.

“Council tax rises and Bob Crow”, however. Now the voter knows where they stand. Boo to both of those, I imagine. So expect a relentless focus on these two issues, the rest is just mood music.

Ken Livingstone’s latest negative campaigning

First of all, is showing a Boris Johnson lookalike riding peacefully and safely through the streets of London on a Boris bike, one of the few concrete achievements of Mayor Johnson’s time in office, a useful image for the Ken campaign to spread?

I’d suggest that NO! Of course it isn’t.

The message about two jobs Johnson has the potential to resonate, but the problem with casting Mayor Johnson as a satirically sympathetic figure is that many voters view him as an actually sympathetic figure. We’ve been here before with the poster campaign depicting Johnson as a cheeky pickpocket.

Ken’s team is consistently portraying Boris Johnson according to Boris’s own self-image.

That’s a problem, because the whole point of nasty campaigning is to tear down a candidate’s facade. Johnson’s team aren’t doing that brilliantly, but they’re doing it a damn sight better than Livingstone’s.

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